its going to be the end of yr 2007.
well,many things did happen especially
this was the ferst yr i gt into
secondary school.
so,let me re-cap my love story. (:
last yr in december,i msn with izzuan.
he was my ex-pri school mate.
this yr he is in 2e3.
we chat frm 6+ in the afternoon
all the way to 5.30am!
that time he was attached to my bestie,anna.
as we were chatting i dunno what
gt into me that i felt that i hv fall fr him.
yes.
so izzuan if u're reading this,
let me confess that i hv feelings fr u since
we chatted that time.
izzuan isnt cute,isnt hansem
but he hv a kind hart that most guys doesnt hv.
so guys out there,sori if u all feel offended.
and to u izzuan,dun be
so 'kembang' that i praise u ok.
what's more , u'll nvr expect.
the next day,they broke up!
i dunno why anna did that.
i pity him.
he dont deserved to be hurt.
well,actually..
im hapi!
but i feel guilty laa.
u see,izzuan must be sad bout the break up.
but me?
im feeling hapi..
like so wicked.
so,i decided to frget him.
mths past..
and i dont knw hw i can fall fr my own CSM.
yes.junxing.
he is cute,damn funny but like 'mat rep'.
haha. (:
and i found out that he like iffah frm sec 2.
so,i decided to frget him in the end.
as the days past..
there was this time when i online and evryone offline except fr aminudin.
so,i chat with him.
as we were chatting,we exchange number.
i ask fr his number ferst.
that moment,i really gt no feelings fr him ok.
i ask his number fr the sake of fun.
one day,afta school..
ard 4+ in th eafternoon,
i was farking boring since shafiq,
a fren i knew thru anna lost his hp.
shafiq and i was like besties.
we were close.
almost each day we sms each other.
shafiq admire anna.
so,we always talk abt anna in our msgs.
then,i strolled my contact list
and stop at this name;
amin hp.
without tinking much,i sms him.
and he replied!
i frgot what we talk abt.
but i'll nvr frgot the time
when he confess to me that he admire me.
i was farking shock.
as the days past,
i begin to feel sumthing grow in my hart fr him.
yes,it was love.
but im nt sure so
i dont dare admit anyting to anyone.
one day,i realised i really hv fall fr amin.
so,i decide to tell him the truth.
but nt in a straignt frwerd way laa.
did u noe?
he ask me fr stead!
exactly at 7.14pm,
on the 130707.
but me being the most stupid gerl,
told him to gimme 48hrs before
i give the final decision.
i was confused coz i realised i still hv feelings fr my ex,salihin.
nisah make me realised,
there's no use turning back.
so,i tot of accepting him.
but tings turn the other way round.
it happen wen irah ask nady,amin's fren
if amin really ask me fr stead.
then nady ask amin if what he heard
frm irah was true.
nady didnt noe abt all this.
and nady told that maybe amin gt gf liao.
but i dont believe him.
coz i trust amin.
wen amin noe that rynaldy knew bout it,
he sort of reject me.
he said he's gonna ask me
fr stead again some other day again.
each day,i waited like hell
but nothing happen.
then,i gave up.
a few weeks later,
i found out frm sarah that her fren,
zahidah,recently stead with amin.
i was pissed off fr the whole day.
few days later,
nisah told me that
amin sms her to ask
if she noe whoever who hv feelings fr him.
nisah told,it was me.
then,amin also say that he love me ard 80%.
a few minutes later,
amin sms me to ask whether izit true,
what nisah says,that im willing to stead with
him eventhough if he plays timer..
i didnt expect that nisah
gonna tell amin what ive told her.
but im nt angry at her.
so,i said:
yes.as long as he be fair.
and that was when he told me the truth that
he had gf ready.
and he doesnt wanna play timer.
coz zahidah is a kind gerl.
i told him that i cn wait fr him.
i waited and then i gave up again!
it was on the 170807.
it was 10+ in the nite.
i was already in lalla-land
when nisah called my hse.
she says:"fira,amin sms aku.die tanye
asl kau tk reply msg die."
and i said:"huh?aku ngah tdo ar.
lgpon,pp8 aku low.
kau ckp ar,aku top-up bsk.
nnt aku sms die."
so on the 180807,was when we became couple.
the story goes on.
i still rmbr he lost his hp
one day b4 the fasting mth.
i waited fr him fr a mth to gt a new hp.
i didnt regret waiting
coz i'll regret mre if i dont give myself a chance to know him betta.
i oso rmbr it was the ferst time
we had misunderstanding.
he was damn furious when i sort of
criticise his bugs bunny.
haha.
since we broke up,
i realised that bug bunny
are aftall much more kiuter
than winnie the pooh.
there was one time when
i stop by at 7-11 and
saw a cartoon of bugs bunny
hugging his gf near the glass door.
i was holding my tears by then.
coz i know if
he was the bug bunny,
the gf would nvr be me.
i hope whoever his gf is nw,
he'll be hapi.
maybe i wasnt a nice gf fr him.
amin,if ever i could turn back the time
i wish i've nvr knew u,
nvr met u or fall in love with u.
its nt that i hate u
but frm the beginning
i hv this feeling that im gonna lost u.
and sumting i fear fr,did happen.
maybe it was just my fate..
Thursday, December 20, 2007
omg!kiwak sak.im farking embarrass.i just got to know that amin read the whole page of my blog.i tot he was just browsing true.but no!he read evryting.EVRYTING!i wish i've told hym that my blog gt hack.shud i just stop writing abt him?yes.i shud.hey hold on.so what?this is my blog.MINE!fark care ar.so what if he noe that i still love him?aftall,its a fact.why shud i hide my feelings frm him?aftall,i hv the right to love anyone.if he dont love me,its his problem.and if i still love him,its my own problem.ryte?yeah.ok,change topic.today is hari raya haji.when i heard the 'takbir',i feel like crying sia.and,i just found out that i start to love acoustic sings lyke 'tiger lily' by matchbook romance.and 'a lonely september' by plain white t's.but jiwang are betta in the end.haha.i lyke that song by rihanna,'cry'.andand,i tink the best screamo song is by MCR,'i dont love you'.and im farking hapi!my bro gt posted at canberra sec.at last,freedom!but i heard my mum still wanna appeal to adss.wth.then,last monday,171207,i went to ms sum's farewell party with her own class.i felt farking xtra.hanisah and fie laa,force me to go.and i felt so weak when i saw amin wore that same black t-shirt he use when we went to the movies on the 081107.it made me flashback evrything.whatever it was,i gt to be strong.andand,im so pissed off.my mp3 earpiece spoit.luckily gt my phone.
***************************************
today's entry is to hear frm what other's say when we broke up.
nisah:kau tk seharusnya nangis hanya kerana amin!aku phm kau kecewa sbb die mintak break.tp,u hv to rmbr..he DUMP u!do u tink he deserves to be cried on?my cmmt:dump me?i dun tink so.im hapi wif hym most of the tyme.oni the last end.fie:alhamdullilah kau dh break ngan die.tk ya tgk kwn aku suffer lg.my cmmt:huh?ape kau ?!tkya tgk aku suffer lg?break ngan die akn buat aku lg suffer.reen:jgn sedeh lg ar.my cmmt:sape tk sedeh siot.senang ar ckp.emi:frget hym ar.laki gini tk gune.my cmmt:dont talk much ar.u oso dump ur boifren.anna:fira.jgn sedeh lg ar.nnt aku knalkn kau ngan satu bdk ni ehk.name die imran.my cmmt:no thx ar.kalau laki tuh exactly mcm what and who amin is blh jgk.tp kalau tk,kirem salam je laa ehk.lgpon,aku tknk betray emi sbb die ade ckp die suke imran dulu.rynaldy:move on laa.my cmmt:move on?hw to move on?if irah leave u,u cn easily move on or nt?argh!useless asking u this.irah wont leave u.irah:sigh u dont sadsad ok.stay strong.cheer up ok?my cmmt:hw to cheer up and hw to stay strong?my lyfe wouldnt be the same anymre.hafiz:camne kau nk lupekn die kalau kau asyik tules die je pt blog?my cmmt:btol jgk ckp kau tp suke ati aku laa.**********************************
amin:i want a break up..my decision is final..my cmmt:ur decision is final?then,hw bout my mine?haiss.i cant force u.nvm laa.may u find ur hapiness.**************************************
if any of u feel offended wif my cmmt,im sry.i didnt mean anything.rihanna - cryI'm not the type to get my heart broken
I'm not the type to get upset and cry
Cause i never leave my heart open
Never hurts me to say goodbye
Relationships don't get deep to me
Never got the whole in love thing
And someone can say they love me truely
But at the time it didn't mean a thing
My mind is gone, i'm spinning round
And deep inside, my tears i'll drown
I'm losing grip, what's happening
I stray from love, this is how I feel
This time was different
Felt like, I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now i'm, in this condition
And i've, got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see me cry
Did it happen when we first kissed
Cause it's hurting me to let it go
Maybe cause we spent so much time
And I know that it's no more
I shoulda never let you hold me baby
Maybe why i'm sad to see us apart
I didn't give to you on purpose
Gotta figure out how you stole my heart
My mind is gone, i'm spinning round
And deep inside, my tears i'll drown
I'm losing grip, what's happening
I stray from love, this is how I feel
This time was different
Felt like, I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now i'm, in this condition
And i've, got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see me cry
How did I get here with you, i'll never know
I never meant to let it get so, personal
After all I tried to do, stay away from loving you
I'm broken hearted, I can't let you know
And I won't let it show
You won't see me cry
This time was different
Felt like, I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now i'm, in this condition
And i've, got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see me cry
This time was different
Felt like, I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now i'm, in this condition
And i've, got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see me cry
All my life...
at
Saturday, December 15, 2007
i still rmbr i broke up with him on the 161107.that was a mth ago.hw cn i frget that day?the day when my hart shattered into pieces.when my hope turn into a dream.when i lost someone i love.well.that was the past nw.i dont wanna think bout it so much.yesterday nyte at ard 11.20pm,he sms.i dont noe what he want.since my pp8 low,i didnt reply.so amin,if you're reading this.im sori if i kept you waiting.why do he sms me fr?i tot he would nvr need me anymre?my mum doesnt want to top-up fr me until skul re-opens.wah piang eh.anyway,back to amin.i cant put hopes too high.coz if i do,and what i hope fr doesnt comes true,its me who's gonna suffer and get dissapointed even more.but i cant denied it that,I MISS AMIN!alot!haiss.i miss those tymes when we were still together.really sia.all this is really killing me.its a pain to fall in love.do you know what is it like to look up into the velvet nyte sky and yet not to see the star?do you know what is it like to see the bird sing their sweet music and not to hear the sound?do you know what is it like to feel your heart inside,and yet not to feel it beat?do you know what is it like when the one you love so deeply is so far away and yet it is quite close?if im ever lost,will you find me?
if im ever lonely,will you ever give me company?
if i ever get carried away,will you hold me?
if ever my heart calls out to you,will you hear it?
if ever my eyes are filled with tears,will you caress me?
if ever im immersed in sorrows,will you share them,my love?
if ever i am drawn to tears,will you wipe them?
swear that come what may you will never leave me.
my heart beats because of you,my love.
i have resolved.
i promise i will love you,honey.
at
well.tmrw its been 1 mth i've been single.
it was tough fr me to get use to it.
the next two days was supposed to be my 4th mthsary.
well,they're just history ryte nw.
when i hang out wif my frenz,i laugh lyke a lunatic.
i look as if im ok and contented wif the lyfe i hv nw.
but aftall,im just pretending.
but when im alone,i cant lie myself.
so,i'll cry lyke a retarded.
when evrytyme i cry,i told myself to be strong.
but i just cant.
but the good thing is,i nvr gave up in frgetting hym.
i noe each tyme i tried,i've did my best..
never say i love you
if you really dont care.
never talk about feelings
if they arent there.
never hold my hand
if you are gonna break my heart.
never say you are going to
if you dont plan to start.
never look into my eyes
if all you do is lie.
never say hello
if you really mean goodbye.
if you really mean forever
then say you will try.
never say forever
coz forever makes me cry.
at
Friday, December 14, 2007
yesterday i went to bottle tree park with emilia.
we went there to share our problems.
she told me abt this guy called daniel martin syah.
nice name huh?
well,to cut a long story short,this guy gt emilia's number frm a bus seat.
and frm there,they gt to noe each other.
the sad thing is daniel,who's a PR here,hv to leave fr canada.
and he's unsure when he's cuming back to s'pore.
so,u see?
they're afraid if that would be the last good bye as daniel's father thinks that s'pore is a boring place.
when emi told her story,i cud see her tears.
and i suddenly laugh out of sudden without noticing my own tears rolled too.
haha.
i cud feel the pain she's feeling.
compared to my story,her's is much more painful.
i realised that im quite lucky as i dont suffer badly as ppl out there do.
u noe wad i mean?
yeah.hope so.
ermm.
and just nw,i online.
amin too.
surprisingly,he start a conversation with me.
and i was lyke,"err.is this really amin?"
u noe,nt lyke my other ex-s,they wont care if i online.
it would always be me who hv to start the conversation.
as in lyke 'sombong'.
and he told me he read my blog!
i was lyke,"wad on earth?"
u see,i put up my url is fr others to read and tag.
WITHOUT expecting hym to read it.
u noe some ppl,lyke me,wont care abt thier ex anymore(afta u cud get over hym/her).
but he's diff.
as in,he has the guts to spend tyme reading all this stuffs which mostly talks abt him.
swit aites?
and this irritating basyar suggest me to ask hym fr patch.
or else he's gonna ask amin hymself.
and i was lyke,"ehk,dont be busybody.its none of ur bussiness."
but he stubborn sia.
fark care laa.
i dont want to do lyke what basyar ask coz i noe he doesnt love me anymre.
so,why should i bother?
furthermore,we're history.
yes,of course.
if i hv the choice to make,i really wanna patch up.
but,i cant force ppl to love me or do something they dont wanna do.
coz they hv the right to choose something fr their life.
if fate let us to be together again,then let the tyme show lorh.
lyfe is unpredictable.
at
Sunday, December 9, 2007
arggggggggggghhhhhh!i kenot go on wif my lyfe laa sia.
wtf.amin,why did u leave me?!
why did u ruin my lyfe?
READ MY WERDS!
I LOVE YOU.
gt it?yes.ily and ily.
grrrr!!!!wad's wrong wif me?
why must i still hv this feeling fr sumone who had hurt me?
gosh.sumone,help me!
help me to get rid of hym frm my lyfe!
get out frm my mind laa sey!
oh no.but i still do love u.
AMIN,YOU DRIVE ME CRAZY!
why must evryting end this way?why?!
wad is this,the person i love most is the one who break my hart?
do u noe i love u more than anyting in this werld?
KAU TAU KE TK NI?!arrrggggggghhhhh!!!!
tk gune ckp pt sini.
kalau aku blh pekik pt telinga kau..
biar kau jadi pekak pon,aku tk kesah aslkn kau tau yg dlm hati ni cume ade kau SORG!
and i want the whole werld to noe i love u and JUST U!
amin.pls.gimme another chance.
i still love u.i beg u!im sick of tears.
help me.just one tyme.
i noe we cn start all over again.
tings doesnt hv to end this way.
pls dun leave me alone here.
pls.miracle,pls do happen.
i love hym lyke no one else do..
help me.
at
Friday, December 7, 2007
amin,
mengapa kau seksa hatiku begini?kau pernah mengatakan bahawa kau akn selalu menyintaiku namun ia hanya kata-kata kini.kata-kata yg dusta.apakah kesalahanku hingga begini akhirnya?dptkah kau melihat dan merasakn penderitaan ku ini?hati ini ibarat ditusuk duri sembilu.sia-sia saja pengorbanan dan kesetiaanku selama ini kerana akhirnya kau tk menghargai.mengapa ini semua harus terjadi?aku tk sanggop melepaskn mu.namun,kerana kebahagiaan mu,aku merelakannya.walaupun pahit,aku telan.dalam senyumku,ada tangisan.dalam jiwa ini,ada pilunya.sunguh hiba diriku.andai dpt kau mengerti kesakitan di jiwa ini,apabila cinta yg ku beri tk dihargai dan sekiranya kau dpt merasakn betapa sayu nya hati ini apabila ditinggalkn begitu saja.terasa hina diri ini bila kau mampu tersenyum dan aku terus menangis,meratapi takdir yg tersurat.kalau aku tahu sakit begini,tidak aku bermain cinta.kalau aku tahu seksa begini,tidak aku menyayangimu.andai ku dpt putarkn masa,aku tidak mahu bertemu dan bercinta dgn kau.bkn kerana aku membenci dirimu tapi ku dpt merasakn dari mula lagi bahawa aku akn kehilangan mu.dan kini ia benar-benar terjadi.cinta dtg tanpa diundang dan pergi tanpa di halau.aku tk menyalahkn kau mahupun takdir.kerana aku tahu ini semua pinta-Nya.tetapi aku terkilan.mengapa begitu cepat hatimu berubah?kemana perginya cinta itu yg pernah hadir dlm sudut hatimu utk diriku?benar kata org.hidup ini umpama pergantian antara hujan dan panas.giliran antara senyum dan ratap.sebagai hamba-Nya,aku redha kerana ku tahu apa yg Dia beri adalah yg terbaik.syg,berbahagialah engkau dgn si dia yg kau cinta.semoga kau temui pasangan hidupmu.aku akn sentiasa mendoakn utk kebahagiaanmu.kedukaan ini,usahlah kau peduli.lambat-laun,ia akn terubat jua.
at
