i had such a terrible week . firstly , i miss my dad . how sux it is . ok , lets forget that part . then , i quarrelled with amin . my close friends seldom read my post and amin said he's not going to care about me anymore , so i think i'll tell everything .
it all started when my friends asked me to follow them to go for science remedial with 2n1 . then , i said im going out to the library with amin . then they answered in a sarcastic way : " go laa . go with amin . that last saturday we want to go cycling with you but you also go hang out with amin . amin only . nevermind then . " then they walk off and left me behind . i felt a little bit hurt , i pretend im ok and laughed . but they never knew ; deep inside , i feel so gulity and unfair cause i was treated that way . that night , i was thinking and kept thinking about it . i felt like as if a part of my world had turned dark . i felt tired thinking about my friends that i got fed-up and had no mood . i dont know how amin spot it . he asked me what's wrong but i kept denying and said im fine . that was when everything went wrong . i felt like telling him about my problem but at the second thought , i dont want him to feel like , " ok . everything is my fault . " he's not even guilty . he doesnt know anything . i dont want him to feel hurt . i rather be the one who feel suffer by all this . but i never knew ; after all that i sacrificed , is this all that i deserved ? well , its ok . everything i do , i do it for you amin . when he became angry and told me its none of his concern , i just shut my eyes close and tears start to roll down . argghhh ! why must i cry ? i hate my weakness . the next day , it was thursday . i didnt sms him cause that night i felt tired . afta i went back from school , i locked myself in the bathroom - crying , AGAIN . i felt my whole world was falling apart . i went to bed early but i cant sleep and kept thinking about amin . just like some mad girl , i threw my pillow : cried the whole night . disastrous . the next day , i wanted to start a fresh . but i was so weak . i told myself to be strong . at school , i laughed when my friends laugh ; i smiled at people back when people smiled at me . but i was just PRETENDING . i just cant stop thinking about the words he said . they were like blades that cut through my heart . damn it ! it was all my bloody shitt fault . in the afternoon , i had to go for cca like per normal . i feel like i was just some kind of a half dead body walking but i tried to forget everything for awhile . when the fact , i just cant . after cca , i went home , took a bath , ate , polish my boots cause i had to go for ncdcc service day on saturday and then i went to bed . i woke up from my sleep around 12 am and checked my phone . but to a great disappointment , he didnt sms me . maybe he was still angry , i thought . its been 2 days . i cant stand all this . it was saturday . i went home after the ncdcc service day . i changed and took a nap . at 4 plus i sms him but he said , " . . just dont disturb me ANYMORE ! " my heart tore into pieces . yes , i cried . cried and cried and cried till my head aches and my eyes start to sore . till this moment : when i publish my post , we're still in bad terms . im afraid of losing him . if only i could turned back time , how i wish . i supposed to give him something this wednesday cause by weeek 5 , i will not be free anymore . its something i promised and he had been waiting for it . but like what it seems , everything's gonna remain . nothing gonnna change by this few days , i guess . and i end up plannning to go and meet emilia on the wednesday . i hope things would get better .
if only you understand what im going through . . i just dont want you to feel guilty . its not your fault . but , you'll never understand . im sorry . im sorry for keeping this from you . i didnt mean to . i was just sacrificing . i just love you ; only you . cause my love for you is true . everything i do , i do it for you honey .