I LOVE YOU .

2009-01-23T22:14:00.000-08:00

thanks for the memories .

goodbye my lover, goodbye forever.

i will be moving my blog to: http://www.strongerthan-yesterday.blogspot.com/

and please reinvite me at: fira_1994@hotmail.com

this blog will not be deleted.

2008-12-29T22:39:00.000-08:00

my heart is bleeding, if only you could see. my heart is breaking, if only you could hear.its falling apart, something i fear.. boy, dont do this to me. im so begging you. i'll leave you for a while and you can take your time to think, but i'll sure come back one day to prove to you that i wont give up. i'll still try to fix this up cos it begin from me but i hope it wont end from you. i just hope your love is still the same cos my love for you has never change. you dont have to forgive me but just gimme a second chance and i'll try to make things better than the past. this, i promise you.

yours truly;

2008-12-29T03:46:00.000-08:00

Resah yang ku
Ubah dalam kata
Melukiskan kesunyian
Tanpa engkau aku tak mengerti

Meski
Pagi itu menatapi
Akan sunyi tanpamu
Menemani aku sepi

* Tanpa..
Cintamu aku resah
Tanpa..
Kasihmu aku hampa
Tanpa..
Dirimu aku mati
hohoo…

Kini benar-benarku rasakan
Dalam relung hatiku tanpamu
Ku tak mengerti
daku....
Takut jauh dari dirimu
Dan kau tinggalkan aku sendiri
Tanpamu ku mati
hohoo…

Resah yang ku
Ubah dalam kata
Melukiskan kesunyian
Tanpa engkau aku tak mengerti

baby, kadang kadang kte tk tau ape akn jadi in the future. just like what happen to us in the past. i didnt know that im gonna fall for you after 3 months i tried so hard enough. and now, i truly love you with all my heart. tapi ble kte gadoh gyni, i takot sangat kehilangan u. seriously, ble u ckp gytu i nanges rabak rabak. i tk penah nanges smpai mate bengkak. i tk penah nanges all the way smpai 2 jam. sumpah u , dgn amin tk penah seyy gytu. and now,i realise how much you meant alot to me. mcmne i nk hidop tanpe u kalau u tinggalkn i? i tk tau mcmne lagy nk pujok u. i tau maaf i dh tk berharge buat u tapi bagy i atleast 2nd chance. i tk kesah u tknk maafkn i. but gimme 2nd chance and i'll prove to you i'll change. i janji tk buat bende bdh yg blh risk kn relationship kte lagy. i rindu u sngt. i tkleh tdo.. ble i ingat ape u sent pat i, i teros nanges tk tau asl. its killing me so much. tapi i tahan je.. uuu, smpai ble kte nk gyni? i tk sanggop lagy. i terlalu rindu pat u. i tknk kehilangan u, i takot. btol btol takot. i cume mintak u bagy i satu chance je. tkkn u nk lepaskn i? its such a waste. tlg fiker balek.. pls.

Whenever I cried you would always make me feel like you would change the world if you could, so it couldn't hurt me anymore. As day passes by, I'm getting used to it. How about if one day you have to go and leave me...And being away from me is beyond your control. Should I expect you to fight for our love? Will you be with me still?

One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart you can't utter from your mouth. Tears are words the heart can't say that's why I just simply cry...cry out loud til my tears run dry.

I wish I had the guts to walk away and forget about what we had. But, I can’t because I know you won't come after me, and I guess that's what hurts the most. That eventhough how much you love me, you will never run after me and even you will be willing to give me up for everybody's sake. I can close my eyes to things I don’t want to see, but I can’t close my heart to things I don’t want to feel. It hurts...its hurts a lot...it hurts more than you can imagine...

Do you know why I am still with you?

Today I begin to understand what love must be. When we are parted, each of us feel the lack of the other half of ourselves. We are incomplete like a book in two volumes of which the first has been lost. That's what I imagine love to be: incompleteness in absence. I'll be incomplete without you. My love for you is true that I'm willing to sacrifice even it takes years to cry.

My love for you is a journey. Starting at forever and ending at never! I really love you from the bottom of my heart.

2008-12-27T22:45:00.000-08:00

Firstly, i miss school .
secondly , i miss nur hanisah bte nordin . <3
thirdly, i miss 2n2.
fourth, i miss muhd satria bin salimi. <3
fifth, i miss fiedianty bte hamdan.(:

haiya, i cant wait for 2nd january! seriously, its so killing me . so, last 2 days i change phone again cos that N82 spoil. -.= and i just found out this song from sixth sense, tanpa and tak bisa memilihmu. you guys should hear it. very meaningful to me. so, tuesday going out with old friends. yeyeh! :D i miss all of them. then this friday, school liao. yessaaa! today, woke up at 8.30 and met tutik at wdls mart mcd then we went to cresent park then plan about next year duty roster with gekmin and junkang then fattah come and i and tutik hide somewhere to put the candles and light them while junkang try to distract fattah. then tutik and me came from behind and sang bday song. hahaahah! quite boring uh cos the rest of DC members cant make it. my mum and the rest of my family went to someone's wedding invitation. i should follow them sia. haisss..

sayang, i mintak maaf. seriously, i tkleh tido the past few days. its really killing me. u tau i tkleh hidop tanpe u. please, bagy i last chance. just one more chance. i akn perbaiki sumenye balek. we cn start a fresh. i tau salah i, sume nye. maafkan i, i tkleh jadi perfect utk u. i btol btol mintak maaf. i menyesal sngt. tolong jgn buat gyni. i dh tk sanggop nk nanges lagy. i tk sanggop nk imagine kalau u lepaskn i. i tk blh hidop mcm ni. ni saturday, ktenye 7th mth. i hrp u fiker baek baek. kte dh go through up and down same same. tkmo mcm ni pls.. maafkn i.. untuk sekali ni je.

2008-12-25T03:48:00.001-08:00

today is fattah's birthday. Ystrday is yasir's birthday and the day before ystrday is rafiq's birthday.. So, happy birthday guys! And merry christmas too! Today my best cousin, anis <3 and family all came to my house then my uncle invited me to east coast park, i didnt want to go bcos firstly, i want to spend time with anis and secondly, tmrw planned to follow syariza all to east coast park but my mum didnt allow. She say, go and follow my uncle or i dont get to go tmrw. -.= so, i went to east coast park with my uncle and cousins, and got home around 6plus. Im so tired right now. Ystrday went to bed at around 1.3o in the mrning after playing int. Then wish yasir happy bday all then msg with him fr awhile then say gdnight to sayang and went to lala-land straight. I feel so tired right now. I think i want to take a rest for awhile then play int again. Heh. Bye, friends! (:

2008-12-24T00:57:00.000-08:00

so, today woke up in the morning and received a message frm tutik, to meet at cwp for something. Heh. Then went to toilet and take a bath. Then watch my fav drama before i get ready and leave the house. Took 913 and met tiara, then talk talk then she alight. Afterwards, ibrahim board the bus. Then drop at wdls int. Took the escalator, then ibrahim call me. We both meet tutik at mcd. Then we went and bought present for someone. After shopping, slack at banquet. Then went to civic before going home. Then my mum call and want to go marsiling. So, i took 913 then syg msg want to meet after his football briefing. So, i ask him to meet me at marsiling with my parents all. Then at 4 plus , he came then talk talk and laugh laugh with my parents. Then otw home, i wanted to pee urgently but the toilet was fucking dirty like i felt throwing out my food. Is that how s'porean act? So irresponsible. Haiya. Okay, im going off. Bye,peeps !

2008-12-22T20:20:00.000-08:00

ohmygawwwwd! Im so tired. Cn i sleep? Nah, im waiting fr reen to come my hse. Slept at 3am ystrday and woke up at 830? Wth. My mum was like, "fira, wake up. Im going out soon." then what has it got to do with me? Then she continue, "pls, take care of your small bro." walanneh. Holiday has been so suckish. 10 more days and this misery will end! I cant wait for school reopen rather than rotting at home and do nothing. I miss hwk and teacher's nagging. Wahaha. Sound so weird but thats the fact. But whats worst, i miss my boyfriend more. ): anyway, i heard that there's no more stock for 3NA. Serious ah? Cool then. I'll come to school empty handed on the 2nd jan. Haha. Ouh ouh, and imagine my 7th mthsary is like in a week more?! Its been nearly 7mths and i still think that im dreaming. Ouh, i nvr thought that, this twist of fate seems so content. Hha, and nw currently im listening more to english songs. Suddenly, malay songs sounds so booooring! Okay, so here's azureen beside me with her crunchie. -.=

Imissyou. Imissyou. Imissyou. Imissyou. Imissyou. I miss you.
IMISSYOU,BABY BOY!

2008-12-22T16:56:00.000-08:00

hellooo,lovely earthlings! Gosh its been weeks since i've nt publish any post. I've been so busy this few wks. School's starting yaw! I cant wait to meet my friends and new classmates. Ouh, but i've nt bought my books yet. Bleahh. Maybe this wk. Planned to go jogging with my bacens before my stamina drop. I've nt been jogging/exercise fr two mths. Ouh dear. Ystrday, i met my dearest emilia. I miss her god damn much and planned to meet anna next wed. Yeah! Ok, guys. I've gtg. Tc!

2008-11-30T02:04:00.000-08:00

hello, earthlings ! today just play comp all the way . so boring . kak adnin gave her crumpler bag to me ! yesssaaa . can same same with satriaaaa ... hurhur . im so hungry lehh . tomorrow planned to follow my bacens to sentosa with thier class . my azureen has left to indonesia . last friday went to bugis and bought school bag and new watch ! yipee , cant wait for next year . and i bought this hoodie . nice nice . and on the fourth i have this sc retreat camp at pasir ris . on the 8th , im going to kiki's birthday party . he's soo cute leh . yeah , 5 years old ready . people grow so fast without noticing . my small brother, khairul just know how to jump . he's so cute with his botak head ! haha . then cant wait to meet my dear classmate . (: next year i wanna study hard laa . so can help my family . hanisah , fie .. i want to hug you guys ! miss you all .. ):

i didnt talk much with boybf this few days .. ):

i miss him so much .

i dont know, i have this weird feelings .

i just felt so lonely .

have i lose him ?

ouh , please dont cos he meant alot to me .

and i love him soooo much .

i dont care what people say cos i know he loves me too . ( i guess.. -.=)

losing him is like losing a piece of my heart .

we've gone through so much , ups and down together .

i hope we'll last cos its almost half a year we go through this relationship .

i still remember when he says about marriage .

it really touch my heart .

god, show him that i really love him .

cos i truly do .

2008-11-26T02:45:00.000-08:00

yaw , dude (: so i just changed my blogskin . more simple but nicer . dont you think ? hha . hope you like it . so yesterday went to school for nfl . satria's got a red sepet eye on his right . haha . his team , oneders didnt win . kesiaaannn .. so , congrats to eury . you rocks , izzuan j ! hee . he's my pri school friend anyway . then after match , when to danish hse and teman sabrina . watch kallang roar and ate her mum's cooking cooking . oh my , the sambal belacan so spicy ! hurhur . then got a call , its satria . " hello , baby . jumpe i leh ? " okay then left danish house and met him at fns . blablabla . went home and do my stuffs , at 1030 went to sleep and left satria alone . hee . :D woke up at 0930 and still feel tired but i force myself to take a bath then went to have breakfast . planned with reen to lepak with milzam but didnt make it . play puzzlebobble for awhile then i remembered the cd i lend from sarah , 'my heart' . i know that movie has been like 2-3 years but i have not watch it bcos i didnt know whom to lend from . while watching , satria called then talk talk bcos he's bored waiting for the doctor at the woodlands poly . then i put down and do my prayers . okay , fast forward and then followed my brother to my uncle house cos its so boring at home . there's no plan for this week but meeting boybf next week . and planning to follow nisa and efa to KL . wohoo ! i'll shop till drop , man . and on the 17th planned to celebrate reen's birthday at escape theme park . and im also planning to go out with my bestie , emilia . (: i miss her freakingly . then on the 19th got sec1 registration . bleah . -.= and currently im hearing to 'baby stay' by shawn desman . im searching for this indonesia song by d'masiv - di antara kalian . its a new band and their songs are cool , baybeh . :D okay , im off . byebye . :)

2008-11-23T03:05:00.000-08:00

yaww , firaaaa here . yeah , i miss blogging . heh . okay okay . nfl is in 2 more days . cant wait to go school and meet my dearest darling plus my bacens . (: today met efa and nisa for awhile then we talk talk talk talk talk , laugh laugh laugh laugh laugh . phew ! so sleepy laa . now sms-ing satria . saaaayang die sngt ! hehe . next week our six months laa seyy . yesaa ! and on the first dec i will be following nisa to her class outing to sentosa . then on the 9 and 10 , my beloved 2n2 outings . man , i miss classmates aku yang tersyg . serious siol ! next year all seperate liao . sedeh aku . nnt pat class tkleh bully rahman , tkleh gossip pasal jamie , tkleh hina hina eunice . wakaka ! hmm , dh lame tk lepak dgn reen uh . tk laa lame sngt actually . last thursday baru je lepak tapi holiday ni cam boring siol . aku rindu nenek dgn atok pat kampong . ble laa nk gy sane lagy . last pegy , pri 3 siol . mcmne nenek kn ? atok sehat ke ? sepupu aku zilan tuh hensem ke ? dh besar ? makcik aku yg satu tuh maseh kpo cam dulu tk ? hee . lembu lembu tuh sume maseh berak merata-rata ehk ? haha . rindu laa pat sane . hais . okay laa , nothing to talk anymore . tata !

2008-11-16T05:05:00.000-08:00

phew ! helllloooo . its been such a long time since i have not blog and i miss it soo much . (: today not so much things to do . and my friendster account is like ass ! i have like 300 plus friends and now only left with 5 friends ?? i cant be bothered with it . hais . ohoh , ya . i'll be in 3n3 next year ! yessaa . bio class . yeah . andand , sonore was cool ! i mean can go home late . wahaha . the show was soooo damn boring . its not worth it sia my $8 . i would have add 2 bucks and i can buy that blue cardigen i want sia . shitt . my boyf look so cute that day . hehe . haiya , his phone get confiscate . mendak nye aku ! dh laa belom call aku dr pagi . -.- tmrw gt cca , then on the 18th gt class gatherings and 19 gt cca again . bleaah . okay laa , nothing to talk laa . just cant wait for class outing at costa sands chalet . woohhooooo !!

2008-10-24T21:55:00.000-07:00

helo helo , everyone . weee ! ya , so later im going out to open hse . so now , im blogging . yesterday , went out to the movies and watch 'high school musical 3' . satria hair was like ??? i dont know . he look like matrep ready sia . omg . -.- the story was short but sweet . sarah , reen , syakila , satria , fina was there too . actually it was supposed to be sweet belos couple date but hafeez went to his brother performance thingy thing , so sarah ask reen to be her date fr a day . syakila ; boyf is on probation , fina ; just timeout with dann jepon . so , only left me and sat lor . we planned to watch at 3.30pm , but it was full . at 4.30pm , there was only a few seats left . so , we watch the 5.30 slot . went home at 9pm and sms sat , but he didnt reply . a few hours then , he reply and said that he cant sms . gt some problems or something . well , nvm . i will still love him cos my love for him will never stop . (:

sayang , i dont know whats the problem you facing with . but im gonna always love you and miss you sooo much ! i'll be waiting for your call/msg . [:

p.s : 2 more weeks to go ! ((:

2008-10-18T22:44:00.000-07:00

yaw ! hee . so , today im going out to danish open house . satria should come along with me but his parents too held an open house . well , never mind . cant wait for the mee soto and chicken wing . yum yum . my brother just bought psp . and he's like freaking addicted to it . -.-

and last night , was the night that i fall for him over and over again . syg i , dont leave me cos you meant alot to me . i just hope you what you said last night was true .

i've get over him and i know im better off without you . now then i can get over you totally . but i dont have any hard feelings to you . i hope you find the girl you have always been searching for . bcos im happy for what i have now .

slowly you come into my life

deeply you encompass me

simply you enchant me

fairly you glow me

tenderly you call me

carefully you select me

strongly you hold me

nicely you tell me

that you love me; truly, deeply, madly;

and captivates me with your true, crazy love.

i wish i could behold you, being my better half

in this world and there to come.

p.s: i mean what i say . [:

2008-09-29T07:22:00.000-07:00

its been a long time since i've updated. my last update was on th 15 sept right?
so much things happen in such a short period of time. so much things to tell.
Firstly, nisa and i are back to normal and i just can't wait for raya lah siol! :D

secondly, things had really went wrong between me and satria the past few days.
we quarrel about some stuffs that really break my heart and had some misunderstandings
with one another. but, we are fine now although im abit upset. but, whatever happens,
i wont ask for a break up cause i know i cant go on without him. eventhough i just started
to have th feeling of love towards him, but when i love someone,i'll love them with all my
heart. anyway, i gave him this long msg last night cause i cant stop thinking abt it. & i
hope tht msg will make him realise how far we both drifted apart.

Satria,

i know this morning when we walked to school, i didnt talk much. its nt that im

mad at you. but i was only trying to hold back my tears.

if i've not send that long msg, would you want to pick me up?

just to let you know, i cant bear to lose you, actually.

2008-09-15T01:20:00.000-07:00

helo there . today nothing much to write about . yesterday didnt talk to satria for one whole day . and i dont feel worried either . i tried to call him but he off his phone . i cant do anything much .

today woke up 'sahor' at 5am , so early . and reach school at 6.55++ . they still didnt talk to me . what more can i do ? be patient ? yeah . atleast i tried to tell the truth .

today morning duty was short and sweet . went back to class then lesson like per normal . mr mike scolded alif for being absent from cca last fri . me , danish and joan was laughing at him . mr andy came for his geography lesson . he told the class that ms huang has nominated some of us to the overseas trip but he couldnt tell who . im not interested in that . english lesson was boring and fussy like per normal since miss ruth replaced miss calmela . most of the class didnt do summary . so danish , rafiq , alif copied my work . wiza , sarah , hafeez didnt finish up so they cant go recess . so , i lend them my book but miss ruth caught them copying . so , she took my book and i help them to underline some points . since i had nothing to do , i left for my recess duty . after that , was science class and . . I SWEAR , I HATE THAT MR HIDER !! his face like some kid abuser , he shouted at tfeng qing and i could feel that there's echo . and i was just sitting with the minah tonchets at the back of the class , when he scream and said : "if i see you four girls talking again , im going to split you all!" hello , we did NOTHING okay ! i want miss wong back uh . not fair , not fair , not fair ! -.- wah piang eh . mother tongue class, mr azri came in late and syakila was bullying me . she took my whiteboard marker and drew at my face so i tried to avoid and ran around the class like retarded . and i pushed everyone everyone who was blocking my way . everyone was looking at us . then mr mok was walking pass my class , luckily somone noticed and i quickly grabbed a sit . imagine if he saw me , SC , running around the class ? omg , what would happen next ? expelled ? hooray ! then maths class , mr mike go through some questions then i fell asleep all the way until end of class . can you believe it ? he didnt realise at all . haha . after class , i went home with iifah and shiqah . then took a bath and bla bla bla . reen called me to lepak at mcd but i had some stuffs to do . then later , sat called me . played comp from 3 all the way to now . put up a new skin for my blog . fika sent me a comment . now i know why they broke up . hais . and today no terawih or ngaji . ): cant wait for 'buke' . what do we have for today ? hmm .

i could see tears in your eyes even when you're not crying .

i know you're suffering .

but what more can i do ?

im somebody's .

2008-09-14T01:23:00.000-07:00

yeah , today quite boring . did nothing much . last night sleep so late at 1.30pm bcos sat force me to sleep . talk to him at the phone for less than 15 mins . i could really see that we dont get along this few days . and i dont know why my feelings towards him seems so different this few days . i dont know why but it seems that i dont care about him anymore . our talks are like more boring . he talks less and i just kept mum . does that mean my love start to fade for him ? but how come ? argh , never mind . as long as i can love him , i'll love him . but seriously lah seyy . i feel like running away from him . he seems like dont care about me (?) and later when i call him late at night , he says he want to sleep and bla bla bla . maybe i think too much . yeah ?

nisa , aku tak kate kau tk blh temankan hid . tapi ade satu kali ni yang btol btol buat aku terkilan . kau mkn recess pat satu corner beh lpas mkn kau jln dgn hid . bkn sebab kau tk layan aku , tapi fie sendiri complaint pat aku kau maken rapat dgn hid .

dan mmg kau ade lepak pat mcd , tapi sebab kte lepak pat mcd lah kte maken tk rapat . sbb bnyk org sangat . kau layan org laen , dan aku layan org laen walaupon ade mase mase nye kte bbual .

mmg last fri aku perasan korg , tapi aku tk sanggop tgk care korg buat dek dgn aku sbb pagi pagi tuh korg dh tunjok attitude dan ia dh cukop menyaketkan hati .

aku tau kau tak lepak dgn dgn sarah sume sbb kau tk rapat dgn dorg tapi aku kan ade . bukan aku suroh kau lepak dgn sarah dgn wiza sorang je .

dan bkn sbb kteorg sengaje tknk jumpe pat pondok tapi kau tgk keadaan mase tuh . fie tinggal marsiling beh kau tknk jmpe pondok beh reen kate leceh die nk patah balek dr rumah gy pondok beh patah balek gy skolah . jadi tinggal aku je .

aku mmg pegi dgn wiza dgn sarah tapi aku tk pegi cam tuh je . aku tunggu korg pat HOD . monday tuh kte lepak same same pe dgn fanact fam . cume tue dgn wed tuh je sbb reen , fie sume ade remedial beh kau nk balek . beh on thu tuh , aku tanye kau nk gy mane kau jln gytu je . and aku baru strt gy skolah dgn sat last wed .

recess pulak , on mon aku ade duty . tue aku carik kau sbb aku tk tau kau pat ne beh aku tk jumpe kau , aku dudok dgn iffah . lpas recess aku lupe tanye shiqah korg dudok pat mane sbb aku bkn bbual dgn die sangat . wed , aku ade duty lagi . thu , aku teman sarah , sbb wiza tk dtg skolah , gy carik kwn die nk bbual psl dance . lpas tuh kte gy toilet , aku gy bukak rambot ikat balek , bukak , ikat balek beh tinggal brape minit je then dh bell ring . fri tuh , aku nmpk korg pat luar class tapi aku tk pegy pat korg sbb aku tau korg confirm tunjok attitude mcm ape korg buat pagi tuh .

ye , semua org kate aku dh berubah . tapi dorg tak tau cerita die . dan aku harap penjelasan ni dh cukop utk kau mengerti . bkn sengaje aku nk ke tepi kan korg cam tuh je .

aku bkn malaikat , aku pon buat kesalahan . tk sempurna , dan tk blh sempurna . dan aku ingin yang burok menjadi pengajaran , yang baek menjadi teladan .

dan aku nk korg tau , aku tk sanggop kehilangan kwn mcm korg . (:

i play the same song over and over again cos it reminds me of you .

2008-09-13T05:34:00.000-07:00

so today went to queenstown and take our jersey . yeah , its cool . its green and i love my name the most . then went to buke puase at rumah cik is . and just got to know that fika isnt with **** anymore . she told me herself and ya , well . i cant do anything . enough , i promise not to write about him anymore . by the way , talking about fika , i miss all my friends from naval base . emi , ami , anna , nas , salihin . hha . when can we meet again and spent time together ? i miss primary school .

nisa , you never know what i went through .

not only you that suffer in the inside .

me too .

bukan aku tk perasan kite maken jaoh .

sememangnye dari dulu lagi .

sejak fie gadoh dgn hid ,

and kau teman kn hid .

bile hid dgn fie dh baek baek pon ,

aku tk rase kte rapat mcam lagi .

to be honest , aku rindu saat saat bersame .

ingat tk ble sec 1 dulu ?

ble pegy sekolah , kite pegy same same .

ble recess kite makan same same .

ble balek lepak same same .

but start to things changed .

bukan aku nk ungket ungket .

tapi sejak kau makin rapat dgn hid dulu ,

aku rase kte maken jaoh .

dan aku rase kecewa .

tapi aku takot nak luahkan semua nye .

takot kau kecik hati .

dan dalam tempoh tuh ,

aku menjadi rapat dgn reen .

aku rase yang kite tak seperti dulu .

mase mase yang kite luangkan tak semesra dulu .

dan sejak kite masok mcd fam ,

things changed from bad to worst .

kau selalu balek dgn efa dan aku pulak asyik dgn sarah .

dan kau baru skrg rasekan yang hubungan kite ni renggang ?

masalah ni bukan pasal sat atau pon sarah dgn weeza .

tapi sebab masalah yang terjadi berape bulan lalu ,

yang membuat kite semakin menjaoh dan teros menjaoh .

dan dalam sengketa ini , aku tak tahu ape salah aku .

ingat tak dalam toilet tuh ari ble ade aku , kau , sarah , wiza dgn hid ?

aku sedeh bile kau tak nak lepak .

padahal , kau blh lepak .

tapi kau kate kau lapar .

aku tknk pakse .

on wednesday pon same .

aku tk penah lupe kau , reen , fie , hid , syu , irah .

tapi sebab kte laen class yg buat kte berjaohan .

aku maken rapat dgn wiza , sarah , fina bukan sbb

aku dh jadi one of the sweetbelos .

tapi sbb kte buat project same same ,

kte p.e time same same ,

slack pat class same same .

and as a classmate kte ade class bonding

and that makes us get close even more .

recess time , bkn aku tknk pegy dgn korg .

tapi aku ade duty , beh korg lepak pat belakang class korg .

aku dgn sarah pegy toilet ,

lepas tuh kte carik korg pat bwh tapi tkde .

lepas aku tk jumpe korg , aku dudok dgn iifah pat canteen .

ble last friday , pagy pagy korg tunjok attitude

aku try utk sabar walaupon hati aku btol btol saket .

bukan aku tk perasan korg marah cume aku tknk tunjok pat korg .

sbb aku tk nmpk ape salah aku .

aku tk rase aku bersalah .

tk adil korg judge aku mcm gini .

tanpe mendgr cerita aku dulu .

dan bkn aku tknk mintak maaf pat korg ,

tapi adil ke kalau aku mengalah ?

mengalah utk selamatkn persahabatan kte , aku tk kesah .

tapi mengalah tanpe menyedari kesalahan satu same laen ,

tentu tk adil .

sbb aku rase dalam masalah ini ,

due due salah kte .

tapi seandainye kau mengerti , nisa . .

*please dont go cos you meant alot to me .*

2008-09-06T03:31:00.000-07:00

well , last wed was my 3rd month with satria . and i told him everything . and as days goes by , my love for him blooms even more . i want to love him as much as he loves me . the past 3 months , had been beautiful eventhough i didnt have feeling for him at the first place . but then , as this relationship goes longer day by day , i start to treasure him . i must move on and at the same time give him a chance .

the first time i wanted to tell satria the truth , i was shy . i dont know how to tell him . then i asked him to hear the song by 'spoon - sepenuh hati' . and he understand what im trying to tell . and i promise nvr to let him go .

yesterday talked to satria at the phone until 12 then sms all the way until 1 plus . then i felt sleepy so when to sleep . just now morning , i checked my sms and satria send 3 smses . bcos last night my phone battery empty and i was lazy to charged . the msges was so sweet , man .

satria . i promise to love you as long as i can , okay ?

anisah was hospitalised for overdosed , taking 20 pills of panadol and i know it must be bcos of that USELESS GUY ! anis , pls dont do this anymore . i love you . everyone do . your parents , granny , your siblings . if he dont love you , then let him be . like you told me to move on . and yes , whatever you guys go through together ; thicks and thins , just put it a side and forget him . remember when i broke up with that guy , you the one who said i must move on eventhough memories are not meant to be forget . remember ? please anisah , think before you do something . think the feelings of people that love you . if you're gone , with who would want to laugh with ? with whom i want to share our top secrets ?

love is always patient and kind .

it is never jealous .

love is never boastful or conceited .

it is never rude or selfish .

it does not take offence

and it not resentful .

love takes no pleasure

in other people's sin .

but delights in the truth .

it is always ready to excuse ,

to trust , to hope and

to ensure whatever comes .

2008-09-01T02:18:00.000-07:00

ouh well , such a long time i have not update my blog . and i miss it . heh . what do i have ? hmm .

280808 .

this date only reminds me of one thing . the day he took away my smile and my heart broke into a thousand pieces . so , what ? i've get over him . eventhough , sometimes it hurts to remember or miss him . especially the times he said he love me . argh , whatever . crapshit .

it was miss calmela's last day of school today and tomorrow is teachers' day . the class and mr andy force miss calmela to come the next day . and she agreed . so , i bought all the stuffs to decorate class for teachers' day . cake , snacks all done . only to put up the ball0ons and stuff . so , i stayed back after english remedial . alif , rafiq , rahman , danish , azizul and some other boys help me out . i and joan went to woodlands mart to buy the wrapping paper and stuff as it was not enough . after decorating the class , i and joan went to woodlands mart again to print out the class photo to paste on the card for miss calmela . after that , i went home straight .

290808

woke up early at 5am . bath and had breakfast . mum was cooking fried rice for me to bring to school for party later . maisarah bringing mee goreng and afiq bringing mee siam goreng . met sarah , weeza and alif and the carpark near school and met joan on the way . yasir and the rest has not reach school so i told joan to take the key . later , classmates come . the bell rang and i rush to the gate - got duty mah . after duty , assemble to class and we went for the aces walk thingy thing . then went back to class . yasir and alif was making the syrup then it spilt . i and hafeez rushed to find a mop bcos we were afraid , miss calmela would just come at any moment . luckily , i found a mop at the girls toilet , first floor near dnt room .we had prepared everything and the lights was off . everybody surrounded the entrance door and holding a popper . then , miss calmela came with miss huang and mr andy .

we ate and cut the cake . it was delicious , man . mmmmm . . later , nazri showed the video . it was pictures from sec 1 all the way to sec 2 . i can take it anymore and just put my head at maisarah lap and cry . after the video , i asked maisarah to take a picture with me and miss calmela . that was went i hug teacher and cried all i want . i will miss her , i know . she said something to me but i didnt really hear cos i was fucking sad okay . some of the class was like laughing at me especially people like rahman , some join me in and cried hidely , some just eat and eat . haha . and rafiq was like -- "ehk , fira . relax lah ."

okay , fast forward .

after school , went mcd . family mcd dah tutop . now , i dont know what wan is going to do . he is probably going to find a new name and throw people he doesnt like . pfft . leceh sak gyni . satu satu nk buat perangai . family dgn family pon nk gadoh . after the meeting , i went smbwg pri . met no one . lalalala .

around 2.30pm , went home and siap siap to meet tutik . we plan to go queensway shopping centre and do that discipline commitee jersey . it was fabulous . i cant wait ! haha .

300808

nothing much ; bought a new LCD tv .

310808

went to geylang at night . shopping here and there . so , this year theme colour is yellow and white . my favourite colour - yellow . and satria's favourite colour - white . bought that bag i wanted and two dress ! yes yes yes . at last . now , only left for new skinnies and blue cardigen and that flat black shoes . hehe .

and i want to confess something and i must say this : i start to LOVE him . <3

i know im not dreaming or lying .

i do love him and i'll learn to love him even more ;

SATRIA .

2008-08-24T04:24:00.000-07:00

today was quite ok . yesterday , i followed rusydiah to marina bay and watch fireworks again . this time , its a different kind . and at the same time , i lost my ex-link card . i just top it up . but i dont give a damn . my mum dont really scold me . its just my granny , she keeps telling everyone and im so pissed off . i'll show her that i'l use my own money to make the new one . -.-
tomorrow family mcd plan to watch movie but i didnt go as i will be fasting . since family mcd exist i could see that im much closer to danish and rafiq . i could feel the bond . jiwer mcd fam kate kan ! haha .

p.s: dont you know how hurt this is ?

2008-08-18T03:40:00.001-07:00

1 year ago , we built the love together . you want me to be yours . but now , look who left who ? i'll be the happiest girl on earth to celebrate our 1st anniversary but now they're just left with memories .

i was there waiting for you . and i never felt tired of waiting . i cried day and night . i dont know what to do bcos i cant never do anything when the one who can make me stop crying is the one who made me cry . and i never give up asking for your forgiveness cos i love you and when i love you ; i dont give up . i wake up at night praying and hoping that you're ok , knowing that i cant be with you to keep you safe . i hide my tears when i say your name but the pain in my heart is still the same . and when we broke up , i didnt talk you . its not that im mad at you , its just that when i talk to you , i realise how much i love you and when i realise how i love you , i realise i cant have you and that makes me love you even more . and of course i miss you . i miss the way you smiled , i miss the way you laughed , i miss the way that you always cared . but most , i miss the way you loved me . i just wished that one day you will miss me so terribly that no matter how hard you look for me , you wont find me . why ? because , i want you to miss me the way that i missed you .

memang aku tak pernah cintakan satria tapi dialah yang bahagiakan aku . seharusnya , satria lebih berhak memiliki cinta aku . tapi mengapa nama kau yang bertakhta dalam hatiku sedangkan kau dah lama lupekan aku . dan aku dah tak mengaharapkan kau lagi .

memang tikaman mata kau menghantar satu getaran di jiwa tapi ia tak sama seperti dulu . mungkin cinta aku pada kau telah pun pudar semakin hari . dan cintaku semakin mekar buat satria . tapi aku masih tidak pasti . jadi , pergilah kau dari hidupku setelah puas kau lukai hati ini .

2008-08-16T05:12:00.001-07:00

achoooo ! ok , im having flu and its sooo irritating . today , i just stayed home . thought of tagging along with mcd fam to cwp . but i was lazy and not feeling well . so , sit one corner with my book . tomorrow got 'kenduri' and thats so cool . i cant wait to meet anis and hafiz , then we can laugh and laugh .

yesterday i had cca . nisa , reen and hid didnt come . i thought of skipping cca too as i was not feeling well but since during music lesson , i had asked miss lim if i can be excused for that day's training , she told me to attend and later i can report sick . after cca , satria come and fetch me . we went woodlands mart mcd and he was there . after that , sat send me home .

2008-08-14T04:46:00.000-07:00

Nothing much happen. Maths & science paper was quite easy. Today is irah & nady's 1st anniversary. and imagine, 4 more days shd be my 1st anniversary with amin. nah, memories. oh, tmr is my 6 months with dearest baboon. hmm., how bout of bananas for her aye? haha. anyways, i have resolved tht i will try to love satria & forget abt amin. i have to move on. its been 2 months since he left. why must i love someone who dosent love me the way i love him? He's happy with aida. & i'll pray for his happiness although im hurt deep down.. Hurt not because he toyed with my feelings or because aida is much prettier but because aida deserve his love more than i do. Satria has been nice to me & has nvr take advantage of me. he has changed, thats wht most people tell me. he's not th same satria ppl use to tell me. its not wrong to give him a chance eventhough he has hurt many of my friend's heart.

Satria, make me fall for you.

Amin, memangku rindu saat bersamamu.
Tapi ku tahu, semua itu tak akn kembali lagi.

2008-08-11T01:02:00.000-07:00

tonight, we will held a surprise bday party for kak adnin at my uncle house . today , was quite boring . just accompany my brother to my cousin house. so , here i am updating my blog . let's flash back what happen the past 3 days during national day .

080808
we celebrate national day at school . i wore red t-shirt with collar . i also did bring my white three-quater pants and sc shirt . tutik told us that we have to change red and white for the community singing and sc shirt or the games session . i had so much fun singing along with my friends . after that , all the sec 2 sc assembly outside HOD . jun kang brief us on the games session . i and efa was in charge of the chineses chess . it was so boring to look at them playing and doing nothing . efa walk here walk there , then ask me to take care . so unfair . after the games session , we assemble at the hall . miss huang gave me the national day gift . its kinda colourful magnetic bookmark . but last year was better , kinda highlighter pen . after dismissed , nisa and fie went my house to change as we planned to go sembawang . a carnival was held near the big field infront of my primary school . reen didnt tag along as she went to her primary school's jumble sale . then efa and tutik came along . we reached there and i met ms roslindah , her hair has grown long , suprisingly . haha . then there was mr saidali , mdm suria , ms irdawati and alot more . i miss my primary school alot , especially the mee soto form stall 3 . i met amirah and anna at canberra park . we exchanged number before leaving . then nisa , efa , me , tutik and fie lepak . we took many photos there . it was a tiring day .

090808
so , singapore has turned 43 . i and danish planned to go marina bay and watch the fireworks . so , i called nisa , reen and fidya but only nisa could make it . she brought along efa and i brought along emilia with me . i and emi met nisa and efa at wdls mart mcd . it was raining so we waited for awhile bfore we left mcd . we waited for danish at boots and shoes . he came with suzi and sabrina(danish's sister) . we took the train and stop at city hall . emi left us and went with her friends . we met khairul and aziz near fullerton hotel . it was packed with people . then we went esplanade and slack there . just then nisa realised her wallet was with emi . so we asked emi to meet us at esplanade entrance . while we waited , i saw nizam , ahmad , indra and some other senior . when everyone felt hungry we went to the nearest mall and had at mcd . after eating , we went to padang and waited for the fireworks . after that nisa and efa went home . suzi , khairul and aziz went somewhere . danish , i and sabrina went marina square to meet danish's big sister before we went home . i reached home at 11 .

100808
i was reading the newspaper when kak adnin called.
"hello , fira . nak ikot gi wild wild wet tak ?"
i asked my mum and she allowed . so , i changed . it was my second time going there . the first time i went , the 'ular-lah' was on upgrade . so , this is the time i want to feel how it was like . and it was cool . at 8.30pm , i reached home .

2008-08-02T23:45:00.000-07:00

ok , well today is my 2nd mthsary with satria . how fast time flies , yeah ? to be honest , im scared to love sat cos i dont want to get hurt again . im scared if one day , im able to forget amin and tend to fall for him but in the end he left me . ya , nothing last forever but im sick of tears . ermm , its hard to explain cos only my heart knows how it really feel . all i can say is , i still love amin and at the same time i begin to like satria . and i want to let this feelings for this 2 guys stay like this . when the time comes , it will cure the wound that amin serve to me . and the feeling of love for satria will not be more neither would it be less .

last night , i talk to him on the phone from 1opm to 12am . we talk about our pastime . and telling satria my story with amin , remembering the memories from the start to the end is the most painful . and when its 12am , he wish me 2mthsary and he said he love me . sweet right ? but too bad , i didnt melted . bcos deep down my heart , i just wish it was HIM who said that to me . but well , its ok . im happy with satria at least .

amin , if only you know how hurt this could be . fyi , i accepted satria because of YOU ! i thought of accepting him so that i can forget you . eventhough i know he have hurt a lot of my friend's heart . now , i dont have the heart to ask him for a break up bcos he has been kind to me . and its like , the stories people told me wasnt true . i think he's really gonna change . but at the same time , im yearing for your return . in my heart , there's only you . but why did you do this to me ? im so disappointed with you . i gave everything that you wanted . i would even give you the earth right in your palm if you want to . but you hurt me AGAIN . just becos of a petty little issue . i know your heart still beats for me . i miss you and this suffering will end if i know you miss me too . aku tau aku shiok sendiri , SO WHAT ?! i dont care . i didnt ask for all this to happened . argh ! i just want to move on and being like this isnt gonna work out . amin , you're my history . so please go away .

pergilah , sayang .

jangan kembali lagi .

satria , im sorry i cant love you . i dont want and im scared to fall in love anymore . i dont believe in love since 280508 , since firamin has gone . but i appreciate being with you . you made me laugh , made me happy . i know i told you that this feeling of like can turn into love , but i lied to you . im not sure if i can love you . actually i just dont want , dont want to bet around with my own feelings . i dont want to hurt you . i know how it feels when you love someone but to find out that someone only likes you . im sorry . but still i want this relationship to last . let people know that i didnt choose the wrong person to replace amin . and prove to people that they were wrong about you .

sayang , ku masih mencintaimu .

katakan lah kau jua mencintaiku .

sayang , ku merinduimu .

seksa rindu ini akan menjadi indah

andai ku tahu kau juga mencintaiku .

kasih , ku mengharapkan semuanya dari mu .

2008-08-02T06:21:00.000-07:00

today my family left house at abt 1130 and went shopping at toa payoh.
i heard NCC went to fort canning. maybe HE's there.

Satria went to the samba dance thingy.
tommorrow is our 2 mnthsary.
Ya. its still too early.
well, nvmm.
we'll try to make things better.
We've never quarrel for the past two months.
but we had small little fights though.
haha.
Ms Calmela will be leaving the school on 28th August.
Which also marks the 3rd month firamin's over.
i gave ms calmela my journal.
i wrote about him again.
last month, when i told her that i broke up with him,

she told me that no one is worth crying over and the one who is will not make you cry.
she's right.
but my heart is still stubborn.
and later, Ms Huang will become our FT.
i don't like cos she like not sporting and kpo seyy.
hmm.

p/s: i'm trying to escape the misery. oh, why dont you love me, the way i loved you ?

alrightt.. done.

2008-07-29T05:39:00.000-07:00

during art lesson ; i, weeza, fina, yana and syakila sat together and sang 'luahan hati' loudly. Science lesson went to lab. nizam, yuen cheng, hokit and nazri broke th testube and they had to pay for them. Ms huang & ms calmela were absent. so, i sat at th back with the same person during art lesson. we camwhored. then during homec remedial, wan join us and ms ng didnt notice it. after that i went to McDthen watched soccer in sch and fidya brought suzy frm marsling sec and evryone was like, who's ths girl becaus suzi lend afiq's shirt. i and reen cant stop laughing bcos we were like pillar of attraction. then we went to watch ther soccer outside school field. he was there. then fidya asked me, you want surprise? then i said, what ? she walked to haziq and amin and said she wanted to take picture. i laughed silently. then, went home and return ifah's wallet.

thats abt it. (:

2 mths had past .

2008-07-26T22:09:00.000-07:00

yeah , tomorrow's - the day .

firamin has left for 2 mths .

well , memories ; it will stay .

i will never forget those wonderful times with him .

and also the most painful thing that had happened to me .

everything happpens for a reason .

one more week , it will be my 2 mthsary with satria .

he was the one who entertain me when i miss amin .

he was the one who cracked stupid jokes

when i dont feel like laughing .

eventhough i've never love him with all my heart ,

but i just hope this one will last .

afterall , its not wrong giving people second chance .

just like how i gave amin another chance .

although we didnt last forever ,

we did last long than the previous one .

amin , you've showed me that forever is a lie .

and i'll never believe in forever again .

cause every start has an end ,

and things live to die one day .

i just want you to know ;

even you have leave me all alone ,

i'll still love you as long as i can .

i cant love you forever cause i know ,

you will never take me back to your heart

and i dont want to feel the suffering of this feeling

when i still love you but you love another girl

but than , i still smile and say that im happy for you

when all i really do is cry . .

p.s:tell me you still love me cos i do .

a song for you .

2008-07-26T06:36:00.000-07:00

yesterday , during geog class . mr andy gave permission for us to rest after doing our workbook . so , i and joan decided to sleep . the next thing i know . someone bang my table . i was shocked and woke up to see yasir . behind yasir was mr andy TAKING OUR PHOTOGRAPH ! paisey siol . ho kit say , "wah ! sc and chairman sleeping . " then mr andy say he going to put at powerpoint . then i and joan laugh all the way . actually , i was blur . i dont know what happen . haha . in the afternoon , went cca . he didnt came to cca cause i didnt see him . we did theory test . i and naqib cheat . wakaka . then lepak at mcd with my 'family mcd' - fidya , reen , nisa , wan , danish , suzy , me and many2 more . satria was there too . he sent me home after that . then , that night we talked at the phone . i sang him that 'luahan hati' song . i know my voice sucks . so what ? i dont give a damn to what he thinks . then today , i read that 'pasrah kasih' novel i lend from hid . the beginning was boring , but the end was touching . around 4+ went cycling with efa , nisa and reen . then met my family mcd , at normal place . and then today i slept at my aunt hse . and yes ! he was there . omg , i miss him .

2008-07-18T22:08:00.000-07:00

11 months ago , you said you love me . you said you're always addicted to me , like im your sweetest drug . you said you'll love me always and forever . you said you'll do anything for me , just to make me happy . you said you'll never hurt me anymore . you said you'll sacrifice for me even if you have to die for it . you said we'll last long forever , you said you'll be there for me when i need you . you said you'll lend me your shoulder for me to cry on . you said im th best ever girlfriend among your ex-s. you said you dont want th past to repeat again . you said you cant afford to lose me . you said i'm your real partner that you've been searching for all this while . you said you'll never let me go .
But now , im left with nothing . Words are only words .

2008-07-14T23:08:00.000-07:00

mengapa kau tinggalkan aku ketika cinta ini sedang mekar mengharum ?

sedangkan kau tahu aku tidak bisa hidup tanpa kau di sisi .

jangan kata kau lupa saat-saat manis yang pernah kita lalui bersama .

kita pernah menabur kasih dan cinta di taman hati .

kupersembahkan segala yang aku ada untukmu .

apa lagi yang kau mahu sudah kuturutkan .

kerana cinta , kasih dan setiaku ,

kerana janji dan sumpah yang kau lafaz dulu , airmataku berlinangan .

tapi kau pergi jua . .

kau kata , aku bagai dadah yang selalu membuat kau ketagih .

kehadiranku umpama air di kali yang menyegarkan perasaanmu .

kau sedia berkorban untukku .

sedia merawat kelukaan hatiku .

ku dibuai cinta , kasih , sayang dan rindumu yang luhur sejati .

tersentak aku dari lamunan yang panjang .

mawar tanpa haruman tidak mungkin disunting buat penyeri syurga .

di tangkai jua ia layu . .

well , well . i woke up today at 5 in the morning and to find out , its still early . i tried to sleep back but cant so i went to bath . last night i waited for satria to sms but so late . then i fell asleep .

at 10pm then he sms . at the same time i remember that sarah told me to give a 5 mthsary message . but she replied to say she was just kidding . im going to watch soccer today at school field . nisa didnt come school ; fever . i miss eye-contacting with aminudin . today , science lesson is the most boring . english lesson , i felt so tired ; slept after the class test . today miss huang's mood a bit good . liyana and yasir fought but she tried to talk to them . not like the other days when she pissed off easily . art lesson is the best . miss liyana showed us a 3 videos from youtube - 'the spirit of coin' , 'the spirit of glass' and 'human tetris' . 'the spirit of the glass' is the scariest . i was watching at the computer screen when the ghost pop-up and i shouted while running all the way to the back of the class . it was really suspend . liyana cried because she was super shocked . wakakaka . the human tetris was super hilarious . the japanese guys all so pathetic . kekek sak muke dorg . tomorrow got p.e . so boring . cant wait for music lesson . we've learn to play the national day song . thursday , racial harmony . im using baju kebaya . wee !

2008-07-13T03:19:00.000-07:00

i read this post at this guy blog . kinda copyright . hha .

in a friendship, the scenario is pretty obvious.

you will become friend with somebody

you have secretly wanted to be friends with for a long time,

and they will see just how fragile and vulnerable you are.

you will be shocked when they first start to talk to you,

you will be proud when you get to walk around with them,

you will feel so good to have somebody to talk about stuff with and

your life will be accomplished when they invite you to a first party.

but what happens if that person secretly hates,

as in jealousy,

how pure you are,

and just wants to turn you into somebody you are not?

somebody you own self would never want to be.

what if that person is just having fun manipulating you?

you will never know,

never know until it becomes obvious,

and if you are just so happy about your new friendship,

you won't notice for a while.

and the longer it will take you to notice what really is going on,

the more it will hurts.

in your back, that person and their friends will be making fun of you,

they all know what really is going on,

and they all love it.

drama.

you are a toy to them,

and for you,

all they are is that best friend you never had,

that perfect friend you always wanted to have.

that friendship will make you lose a lot be

cause you will most likely turn your back on everything

you already have to please them.

values, family, friends, projects, everything.

manipulation is part of their nature,

and unconsciousness is part of yours.

when you really find out what they have been doing to you,

you will most likely feel like you're just a nobody.

you won't hate them, you will hate yourself.

hate yourself for being such a loser, or at least,

you'll think you're the worst loser.

in a relationship, the scenario is pretty similar,

but it always end up hurting more in the end for some reasons.

you will fall for that rather attractive person

who just seem so perfect, outside like inside.

you won't get to know them, no,

here we are talking about love at first sight.

the whole relationship, if you can even call it that way,

will be based on your infatuation for that person,

and how useful you might be for that person.

as soon as they will notice how hard you fell for them,

how easy it is to just play around with your heart,

they will play that lovely game where they act as if

they're just so in love with you.

they will act like the best person to be in a relationship with, ever.

they will give you everything you want,

and tell you everything you want to hear from them.

when written down, everything sounds just so obvious,

but because you are just so in love with that person,

it is not obvious, it won't be for a while,

it might not even be at all until that person totally screw you over.

if you have just a bit of luck,

they won't have affairs with other people

while they are supposedly with you.

they will take time to enjoy using you,

and nobody else at the same time.

in this case, it is generally quicker.

they will get over you fast,

and you will become boring to them in a few weeks, if not a few days.

if they do have affairs with other people at the same time,

they will keep you, or them on hold,

and find out which one of you is the best deal.

what do they use you for you wonder?

for their personal satisfaction.

they're the most selfish people.

they will take away from you those things you do have and that they don't.

if you're attractive, they will have a blast in bed with you.

if you have a fuck load of money,

they'll always try to take advantage of that.

depending on how much of a jerk that person might be,

they can make fun of what they're doing to you with their friends,

and you might eventually get to hear about it somehow,

but you won't want to believe it because you are so desesperatly in love.

then you will hear it again, and some doubts will start haunting you.

it will drive you crazy, it's all you will be thinking about.

can that person really be that horrible?

can somebody really be that fucked up in their head?

questions. questions. they will follow ones after the other.

one day, you will wake up and know you're alone, and you have always been.

those sweet things that person told you seem so obviously wrong to you now.

you feel dumb. you feel stupid.

you don't blame anybody else but yourself,

and that is the saddest part.

you won't blame that person for being so selfish, ignorant,

and for being much of a manipulator.

you will blame you.

why was i stupid enough to believe in this whole thing you will ask yourself.

then your self-confidence will be hurt.

the last thing you will end up doing is to hate that person,

and if you really are stupid as you have been calling yourself,

you will still love that person,

however bad they've hurt you.

no matter what they possibly could have told their beloved friends about you.

in both those scenarios, the friendship and the relationship,

the one that will end up hurting you the most is the relationship one.

yes, we all heard how friends are forever and relationships never last.

let's be honest, friends aren't forever.

but what will you be more sad about?

being fooled by a friend?

or being terribly in love with somebody who has been fooling you?

i told satria eveything .

everything .

i said i still love amin .

and he understood .

but still my heart is aching .

i'll try the very best to love him .

i think i start to like him .

bleahh .

me and nisa are getting fine .

efa , gave me some hope .

each day its a new experience for me .

people make mistakes .

so forgive and forget .

there's a point in your life .

when you get tired of chasing everyone and

trying to fix everything ,

but its not giving up .

its realising you dont need certain people .

and amin is one of them .

but i dont know why i still love him .

maybe that 9 months with him ?

ouh , i wish i was in the past .

and those memories could last .

but every start has an end .

late at the night when all the world is sleeping ,

i stay up and think of you .

and i wish on a star that

somewhere you are thinking of me too

cause im dreaming of you tonight .

the heart cant lie

2008-07-07T23:03:00.001-07:00

yo !

yesterday , youth day .

went to adss cup .

SV kalah , izzuan nye team menang !

wahahaha .

yesterday , after satria changed e sat beside me .

we talk talk .

then efa took picture of us .

he's a joker .

i like laughing over his stupid jokes .

today , in the morning rained .

rahman didnt come school .

kalau tk pat class dh gadoh2 kteorg .

he like to pinch me .

pain , you know .

tapi gerek uh .

actually smlm gadoh dgn nisa .

tapi dh baek2 pon .

kte kwn baek ok .

dont even think of tearing us apart .

i love her more than she'll ever know .

and she love me more than i'll ever show .

today , syariza didnt come school .

so , maisarah alone .

i company her .

7 more day is our '5 months' .

hehe .

and 10 more days , was SUPPOSED to be my

11 MONTHSARY !

this friday , the ncdcc will go treetop at dont know where .

hoooray !

cant wait seyy .

and friday , something else will happen too .

and i hope it wont be a wrong decision .

guys , pray for me .

2008-07-01T07:02:00.000-07:00

Today's satria's birthday. just wish him thats all. talking about b'day, this is the best b'day year for me. i still remember i got a new phone from parents and tht special gift that amin gave to me. ouh, MEMORIES.

im so confused . did i just fall into my own trap ? im not sure when or where did it start but it happened without me realising. God, is this my retribution ? i dont knw if things can happen this way . But what i knw tht little feeling for HIM still exist.

And as this raindrops fall from the sky

once more i'll say goodbye

things are different now.

i want to change them but how ?

Changes that is not meant to happen , happened

and the hole in my heart has deepened.

If only i was in the past,

i just wish those memories could last

and as this raindrops fall from the sky

once more i'll say goodbye.

memories , please dont go .

2008-06-29T23:59:00.000-07:00

dedicated to ; aminudin

when i first saw you , i was scared to talk to you .

when i first talked to you , i was scared to look into your eyes .

when i first looked into your eyes , i was scared to love you .

now that i love you , im scared to lose you .

and now , i've really lose you and my heart is aching . )':

forget him

forget his name

forget his face

forget his kiss

his warm embrace

forget the love that you once knew

remember he has someone new

forget him when they played your song

remember when you cried all night long

forget how close you once were

remember he has chosen her

forget how you memorized his walk

forget the way he used to talk

forget the things he used to say

remember he has gone away

forget his laugh

forget his grin

forget the dimples on his chin

forget the way he held you tight

remember he's with her tonight

forget the the time that went so fast

forget the love that moved , its past

forget he said he leave you never

remember he's gone forever

yours faithfully,

fira

blogging .

2008-06-29T02:50:00.000-07:00

woah ! miss blogging . ok , lets see . lets talk about yesterday . went to meet emilia after her mendaki . its been a long time we have not chit chat . we talk about girls stuff , boys , bitches , cute emo guys and songs . haha . then emi gotta leave . so , i thought of hanging out at mcd . t text efa , fid and reen but all of them cannot go . so , i went home laa . quite bored at home but then sarah was sms-ing me so not that bored uh . satria dont sms me during the days , at night around 8 plus .bleahh . he got sack from ambassador last friday during ambassador photo taking because of his hair . alhamdullilah . hehe . (: kesian mataer aku . he send me home after cca . then i went out back to mcd . met with fidya , fathin , akmal , afiq , hariez and AMIN .

nisa , i just dont get it . last time when amin send me home , you was kinda dont like . but when satria send me , you was happy like that . not only about that . when reen broke up with hilman , you guys can get along so well but when i broke up with amin , you always like to be sarcastic to him . its not that i side amin . but to me , its unfair . whatever it is , he's still my ex .

and i still care for him .

and i still love him .

thats the fact .

i've never love satria .

i've tried to love him but i cant .

love cant be forced .

i know you might not be reading this . but im sorry if it offends you .hilman cume act sygkn reen , tapi bile aku masih dgn amin , amin betol2 sygkn aku tapi nape kau lebih dendam pat amin ?

another new day .

2008-06-23T23:32:00.000-07:00

well , im in school lab now .

got workshop or whatever laa .

satria smiled at me after p.e today .

liyana kinda shouted at him .

"hi je ke pppppeeeee ?"

he just laugh away .

maths lesson , mr mike teach !

hoooooorrray !

guarantee pass maths nye .

si huang tuh , nari pakai baju colour pink .

kecacatan .

i gave miss calmela my journal this morning .

i wrote about him and the memories .

i wish to hear from ms calmela soon .

like usual , got spot check .

then , some of my classmates kena .

must do recess duty for one whole week !

i took care of the waterpoint 1 ,

together with efa who took care at waterpoint 2 .

before i do the recess duty near the phone booth because can see amin .

but then , since we broke up , change place uh .

wahaha .

then geography lesson , mr andy teach .

his lesson was fun .

give 8 stars .

ok , lame .

alright gtg .

teacher starting .

see you soon .

school is starting .

2008-06-22T04:26:00.000-07:00

heyy , heyy .

today at home ,

my uncle came and brought some CDs .

'cuci'(kekek , dok ) and 'anak'(cite hantu tk menjadi) .

made in m'sia .

then ard 3+ nisa came my hse .

then i went out with her to wdls mart .

then weny nisa's hse to do the ncd project .

she game me this winnie the pooh pillow

since she gt back from m'sia .

thanks , babe .

cut rleh , like me .

haha . (:

nah , jk .

then went home .

efa also got .

tomorrow school's start .

lazy uh .

nanti kene tgk muke si die tuh .

and that ngada-ngada nye cikgu .

pfft .

2008-06-19T03:38:00.000-07:00

recently just stead with satria , trying to love him but still cant get amin out of my mind . i just dont get it . aminudin , aminudin . it might be my fault at the first place . but if only you would have forgive me then , things would go smoother now . and maybe its fated ya ? at the same time when our relationship is on the rocks , another girl came to your life . i've never hated you or hold a grudge towards that girl but i still remember what sarah told me ; if you really love me you would have forgive me or at least not to go for that girl . sarah was right . i wonder if for that past 9 months , you did really love me . how come is it so easy for you to just dumped all our memories just like that ? those memories is too painful for me to just forget them . they were too wonderful although it was tough for me at the very end . yesterday should be our 10 monthsary but now , its just a simple day. when it turns 18 , i'll remember of you but i know i dont have the right to love you cos you're someone's . ouh , damn it ! you should be buried with the memories and all . fyi , i miss you . and i hate to miss you .

thanks for the memories

2008-06-13T00:54:00.000-07:00

everything has ended , and it will never start again . you're with someone now . i hope you'll last long with her . seeing you happy is enough to make me happy too . when you ask for break , i was happy . happy to know that i would be free against the sufferings from the time you didnt reply my messages then it hurt me . but deep down my heart , it was fucking painful . i felt like crying , but i cant . all i did was laughing . laughing at myself for being too stupid to love you for the past 9 months without stopping . im totally hurt but im not naive . i know im strong . i can never describe how i feel to lose you for the second time . its so unfair for me . you keep on toying my feelings - what do you think i am , a soft toy ? and i keep on crying for you - ouh , this is not a free show for me . but still , until today , my love for you never fade . but do you think its fair for me ? you make me fall deeply for you , but then you left and chose to go with her . how could you ? i go around and tell people that i've get over you but the fact is NO ! im actually torturing myself . everytime i think about you , i will force myself to think some other things . its hard for me to forget you because each time i managed to forget you , the more memories would come and haunt me . so , tell me how would i want to forget you ? all my love ang sacrifices are wasted . you said you loved me , but why did you leave me ? you promise me this and that , but why did you broke it ? well , maybe this is just my fate . what god has planned for us is unpredictable . i know you're happy with her and i hope she'll never hurt your feelings . amin , thanks for the wonderful memories , you left for me .

memories of firamin ; 180807-280508

it will stay .

when i first met you , i thought 'what a nerd' .

when i started to know you , i began to fall for you .

when we became closer , i started to care .

when we became lovers , i couldnt imagine life without you here .

when we broke up , you broke my heart .

when we tried again , i saw it as a new start .

when you broke my heart for the second time , i realised you were never mine .

and now im lying here , trying to heal my heart and forget the memories .

why must things be this way ?

2008-05-18T01:44:00.000-07:00

18 may 2008 .

TODAY IS 18th .

today is 18th . and yet , we still have not talk to each other . why , honey , why you became this way ? is my mistake that really really big ? i didnt mean it . please dont do this to me . i cant bear it anymore . fyi , im hurt deep inside when you do this to me . today is our 9 mthsary . i wonder , do you even remember ? and i should be happy today cos we hv gone so far and 3 more mths is our 1 yr anniversary . but all i did today is just staring at your photos , reading back your smses and hearing sad songs . im just like a dying soul . i wanted to cry but i cant cos my tears had gone dry . you still didnt reply my msgs . why you became like this ? dont you love me anymore ?

syg , nape u buat gini ?

kalau u nk punish i pon , cukop2 laa tuh .

i tau i salah tapi i dh belajar frm my mistakes .

i terseksa .

please , i had enough .

i fhm u nye perasaan .

i tau ape u rase .

thats why i didnt want to tell you the truth the first place .

i tau u ade mcm2 lagi problem .

i fhm tapi u tkleh binget2 gini .

its nt gonna solve any of your problem .

hais .

sometimes i wonder ,

if you love me as much as i do .

cos if u do , u wont let me be this way .

kalau u dh tk syg i lagi ,

just let me go eventhough

i cant bear losing you .

what more can i do if you dont love me anymore ?

love cannnot be force .

but i really wish that you never even think

of breaking up cos you once promise me

that you wont leave me or hurt me .

u tau i sygkn u .

u tau i tkleh hidop tanpa u .

jadi , tolong jgn buat gini .

kalau u marah pat i pon ,

tolong laa jgn smpai gini sekali .

i tk sanggop lagi .

please dont hang the relationship like this .

its killing me ; so deeply .

might as well take a knife and stab me .

i rather die than feeling this pain .

i dh tk tau nk buat ape lagi .

no words could describe my feelings .

kalau u pat tempat i ,

mesti u pon susah hati .

tapi i tau u tkkn fhm sbb

u tk rase ape yg i rase skrg .

i cume nk u tau

ape pon u nye decision ,

dont regret it later on .

and i pon nk u tau ,

cinta i utk u tkkn penah hilang smpai bile2 .

i janji .

p.s: please , let me die in your arm .

forgive me , baby . i miss you so much .

2008-05-08T02:44:00.000-07:00

i cant stand this animore.Whatever i do , it reminds me of you . Every morning when i walked pass the tuition centre , i'll remember the days you fetch me there and we'll walk to school together . Everytime i take the lift , i'll remember the hugs and kisses you used to give me . When i see 913 or 912 bus , i'll remember the times i used to send you home . When nisa grab my hand , i'll remember those times we used to hold hands . Everywhere i walk , i'll remember the time we used to take that path . When Syariza or Maisarah pinch my cheek , i'll remember the times we used to pinch each other cheek . When i read back your smses , i'll mis the moments you called me 'syg' . When i see the picture that Syariza took for us at the admiralty mrt bus station , i'll remember the times you used to look into my eyes . Its really killing me , amin . Why you let me be this way ? I've said im sorry , But why didnt you reply my messages ? For all the smses that i sent you , i hope you could reply to one of them . But till now i hear no news from you . its hard to deal with the pain im going through but im doing it for you ; just for you because i love you . Everytime i received a message , i hope it will be you - to say that you've forgive me or at least to say that you've cool down . But it will alwaes be some other person . Im dying inside , honey . I look at you at school , i'll feel so guilty for lying to you and i just hope i could turn back time . But after all , im a human being and i cant be perfect . I saw you didnt eat during break after the Mt LC paper . You were lying on the table and staring into space . I wish i could go to you and ask you whats wrong . If you're sick , i wish to feel the same pain as you do . My heart cries to see you that way . Everytime when i close me eyes , i'll see you and i hope you'll stay there and never fade away . When i called you out in my heart , i wish and realli wish you could hear it . So that you'll know how much i realli miss you . Please dont be like this . I cant keep on living this way . What else must i do so that yuou'll know I really need you ? Cry you a pool of tears ? Beg you ? Tell me so that you'll be satisfied . I just cant go on this way , baby . If one day you'll decide to let me go , i'll take it for the sake of your happiness . Cause seeing you happy is enough to make me happy too . Eventhough deep inside i'll be crying . But whatever that happen , i'll never let you go cause i realli do love you ..
p.s : Im sorry im not perfect .
(10 more days , baby )

im sorry ; i make mistakes too .

2008-05-05T01:54:00.000-07:00

Today ,

My

Day

Is

Full

Of

Tears .

and today i'll cry myself to sleep .

Baby , I might have lied to you and I wont do it again but i swear my love for you is true and the promises I made arent empty . Take my words and i'll prove it , my words arent fake .

p.s honey , you know i have always

been loving you .

nvr regret something you've decide to make .

2008-04-30T04:37:00.000-07:00

halohalo!

hee . okok .

here's my post for today .

i want to tell about

this guy named afiq .

he keep smsing me .

dont know who the hack he is .

whenever i

ask anything bout him ,

he will tend to change topic .

but i did reply him .

i want to know who is this guy .

cause he said he once like me .

too late , im taken .

bleahh .

ermm then on monday , got a hug from amin .

and yesterday also got a hug from him .

haha ( suke laa tuh ) .

yesterday im so happy .

after sending nisa at the bustop ,

i saw emi , anna and ami .

i hug emi sooo tight .

i miss her like bloody shit .

got kisses from ami and anna .

haha . (:

just now , went home with amin .

took the same bus with shazwan and friends .

he such a bloody fool .

his head got hit at the bus 'rooftop'

or whatever the name is .

i and wiza laugh so hard .

my stomach aches .

selenger nye wan , two , three .

serve him right .

then went to hang out at mcd.

nisa ask me to call hafiz .

she wants a break up .

so i called and his mum picked up the phone .

i said to hafiz ,

"ermm . are you free now ?"

hafiz:"no , im going out with my parent ."

me:"cn talk at the phone for awhile ?"

hafiz:"ckp ar ."

me:"u sure want to hear it ?"

hafiz:"hmm ."

me:"ermm . hanisah .."

and i paused . .

"hanisah wants to break up ."

hafiz hang up the phone .

then nisa cried .

i think she regret it .

hmm .

too late honey .

then fie asked me ,

"fira , camne kau leh last long dgn amin ar ?"

i smiled .

fie and mamat's relationship also 'tonggang-terbalek' .

deep inside my heart ,

im saying that ,

"its bcoz we love each other .

no special reason ."

elliott yamin - wait for you .

2008-04-27T03:43:00.000-07:00

i've been listening to this song for hours and hours for the past few days .
listen the song at my media box and read the lyrics .
its so touching man .
to ppl out there , keep on waiting for your true love and later you find out
you'll nvr regret .

[Verse 1]
I never felt nothing in the world like this before
Now I'm missing you &
I'm wishing that you would come back through my door
Why did you have to go?
You could have let me know
So now I'm all alone,
Girl you could have stayed but you wouldnt give me a chance
With you not around it's a little bit more then i can stand
And all my tears they keep running down my face
Why did you turn away?
[Bridge]
So why does your pride make you run and hide?
Are you that afraid of me?
But I know it's a lie what you keep inside
This is not how you wanted to be

[Chorus]
So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don''t know what else i can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life
Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just aint true
I really need you in my life
No matter what i have to do
I'll wait for you

[Verse 2]
It's been a long time since you called me(How could you forget about me)
You got me feeling crazy (crazy)
How can you walk away,
Everything stays the same
I just can't do it baby
What will it take to make you come back
Girl I told you what it is & it just ain't like that
Why can't you look at me, your still in love with me
Don't leave me crying.
[Bridge]
Baby why can't we just start over again
Get it back to the way it was
If you give me a chance I can love you right
But your telling me it wont be enough

[Chorus]
So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don''t know what else i can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life
Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just aint true
I really need you in my life
No matter what i have to do I'll wait for you
[Bridge]
So why does you pride make you run & hide
Are you that afriad of me?
But I know it's a lie what your keeping inside
Thats not how you wanted to be
Baby I will wait for you
Baby I will wait for you
If it's the last thing i do

[Chorus]
Baby I will wait for you
Cause I don''t know what else i can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life
Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just aint true
I really need you in my life
No matter what i have to do I'll wait for you

I'll Be Waiting.

and here it goes . .

2008-04-27T02:56:00.000-07:00

weii . alright . firstly , amin's mood like normal ready . he hv fix his mood and im happy like before . hidayah , we're in good terms with her . but there's still some things we arent ok yet but better to hv something than nothing . hanisah hvnt break up with hafiz yet cause she realised she love him so the damn much . but she hv a crush towerds somone . something im glad to hear . at least she is trying her best to get over her sorrows . she hv smiled like hw she used to and that cheer me up soo much ! this week is the best . spend the whole week with amin . hee . then i , efa and nisa played the funny , dangerous game . we call it charlie's angel (lame) . hhhaaaaaha . we almost knocked on a car when playing it . it's basically , we tuck our hands side by side and walk like some retarded girls . reen , is simply crazy . so much crazy . desperate for boyfriend i think . or maybe she miss hilman's kisses . friday was english and mt paper 1 - easy like chicken feet . the compo title was interesting . i chose the title ' disappointed by someone you love ' for english and ' a tragic disaster ' for malay . wednesday is maths paper 1 . conferm fail laa . miss sienny teach like shit . one thing also i dont know . give up with maths ready laa . i dont give a damn . hmpph . and im looking forwerd fr my 9 mthsary ; 2 weeks to go ! ((:

i miss the old times .

2008-04-20T02:56:00.000-07:00

hmm . this few days , many things when wrong .

amin always in his bad mood . ):

and yesterday , i found out from naqib that

miss huang has called amin's dad .

maybe ms huang went to complained something .

then afta that maybe amin's dad scold him or something

that make him so farked up .

and im afraid that we might quarrell if i talk to him ,

so i decided nt to disturb him fr this few days .

and yesterday was irah's birthday party .

then hid buat hal pulak .

die kate die tk tau langsong psl party tuh .

padahal , nisah dgn syu dh bilang seyy .

asl die nk twist the whole story ?

abe die ckp kalau nk , blh just end our friendship here

sebab takot nnt tk leh tahan dgn perangai die yg semakin berubah .

why is everything falling apart ?

what when wrong this few weeks ?

then , nisah just find out that her bf maen timer .

bustard siol hafiz .

he's just a SWEETALKER .

and i HATE the way he treat my bestie .

i hate this type of guy .

they sux to the core !

i cant stand it seeeing nisah with her tears .

it hurts me ;

SO MUCH .

what hv hanisah done wrong to him ?

fr all this while , nisah hv given all her hart and soul to him .

but is this what nisah deserve back ?

i miss the times we used to laugh together ;

me , nisah , reen , irah , fie , hid and syu .

and i miss the times he used to make me happy ;

amin , my one and only .

and i miss seeing her smile ;

hanisah , my bestest bestie .

p.s : last friday was my 8 mthsary .

dear , let it last . (:

memories to spore flyer .

2008-04-13T02:32:00.000-07:00

this pictures are took last thursday when i go to the s'pore flyer .

until there was you .

2008-04-13T01:02:00.000-07:00

dedicated to aminudin (:

Until there was you
I walked the earth alone
No hand to hold in mine
My heart was all my own

Until there was you
True love was just a dream
Dreams of wonder and tears
Dreams of hope and fears

Until there was you
My life had no direction
A road of uncertainty
But now we have a journey
Together you and me

So I thank my lucky stars
And God from the heavens above
For my heart and soul could never
Feel the impact of true love
Until there was you...

its all because of u .

2008-04-06T02:46:00.000-07:00

i smiled bcoz of u .

so , will i get to smile again ?

or the smile is just fr while ?

and this photos are fr amin's request .

he asked me why didnt i put my pics in blog .

so , this is fr him .

i hope things will get better soon . i've started missing him .

everything i do , i'll do it fr u .

2008-04-05T23:21:00.000-07:00

i had such a terrible week . firstly , i miss my dad . how sux it is . ok , lets forget that part . then , i quarrelled with amin . my close friends seldom read my post and amin said he's not going to care about me anymore , so i think i'll tell everything .

it all started when my friends asked me to follow them to go for science remedial with 2n1 . then , i said im going out to the library with amin . then they answered in a sarcastic way : " go laa . go with amin . that last saturday we want to go cycling with you but you also go hang out with amin . amin only . nevermind then . " then they walk off and left me behind . i felt a little bit hurt , i pretend im ok and laughed . but they never knew ; deep inside , i feel so gulity and unfair cause i was treated that way . that night , i was thinking and kept thinking about it . i felt like as if a part of my world had turned dark . i felt tired thinking about my friends that i got fed-up and had no mood . i dont know how amin spot it . he asked me what's wrong but i kept denying and said im fine . that was when everything went wrong . i felt like telling him about my problem but at the second thought , i dont want him to feel like , " ok . everything is my fault . " he's not even guilty . he doesnt know anything . i dont want him to feel hurt . i rather be the one who feel suffer by all this . but i never knew ; after all that i sacrificed , is this all that i deserved ? well , its ok . everything i do , i do it for you amin . when he became angry and told me its none of his concern , i just shut my eyes close and tears start to roll down . argghhh ! why must i cry ? i hate my weakness . the next day , it was thursday . i didnt sms him cause that night i felt tired . afta i went back from school , i locked myself in the bathroom - crying , AGAIN . i felt my whole world was falling apart . i went to bed early but i cant sleep and kept thinking about amin . just like some mad girl , i threw my pillow : cried the whole night . disastrous . the next day , i wanted to start a fresh . but i was so weak . i told myself to be strong . at school , i laughed when my friends laugh ; i smiled at people back when people smiled at me . but i was just PRETENDING . i just cant stop thinking about the words he said . they were like blades that cut through my heart . damn it ! it was all my bloody shitt fault . in the afternoon , i had to go for cca like per normal . i feel like i was just some kind of a half dead body walking but i tried to forget everything for awhile . when the fact , i just cant . after cca , i went home , took a bath , ate , polish my boots cause i had to go for ncdcc service day on saturday and then i went to bed . i woke up from my sleep around 12 am and checked my phone . but to a great disappointment , he didnt sms me . maybe he was still angry , i thought . its been 2 days . i cant stand all this . it was saturday . i went home after the ncdcc service day . i changed and took a nap . at 4 plus i sms him but he said , " . . just dont disturb me ANYMORE ! " my heart tore into pieces . yes , i cried . cried and cried and cried till my head aches and my eyes start to sore . till this moment : when i publish my post , we're still in bad terms . im afraid of losing him . if only i could turned back time , how i wish . i supposed to give him something this wednesday cause by weeek 5 , i will not be free anymore . its something i promised and he had been waiting for it . but like what it seems , everything's gonna remain . nothing gonnna change by this few days , i guess . and i end up plannning to go and meet emilia on the wednesday . i hope things would get better .

if only you understand what im going through . . i just dont want you to feel guilty . its not your fault . but , you'll never understand . im sorry . im sorry for keeping this from you . i didnt mean to . i was just sacrificing . i just love you ; only you . cause my love for you is true . everything i do , i do it for you honey .

the one i treasure .

2008-03-30T05:51:00.000-07:00

This week i miss emilia like farking hell .

i want her to be with me right nw .

ouh , this is seriously killing me .

the birthday watch she gave me

is all i have that makes me remind of her .

Anna , i miss hearing her laughter .

i rmbr her laughter is like one of a kind .

haha .

Maisarah broke up with satria

and nw she stead with hafeez .

hehe , secret laa .

and that farking satria sux alot .

ok , let me tell this story .

last tuesday , i had my recess duty .

afta that , while we walk up to the class room ,

nizam came to me and said that satria wanted my number

to make friends with me .

i just walk away and pretend nt to hear .

then , we had dnt lesson .

at the werkshop , rafiq told me this way :

" ehk , tadi satria kate , sc yg pakai badge tuh jambu ar . "

then , i gave a sarcastic smile and

continue with my werkpiece .

and then on friday ,

i was walking to school fr cca

then i bumped with iskandar .

he said that satria likes me and

wanted to ask ppl to rembat amin .

then during the cca , uzairee told me that

satria said to asyraf like this ; " amin snatch fira from me ."

haha , like hindi movie sia .

the next day i met wan at wdls mart mcd then

he said that satria wanted to stead with maisarah to make exactly 40 ex .

so selfish .

hais .

and amin gave my belated present on Tuesday

and

I can't tell what's that.

:-*

p.s: gimme one more kiss , tonight .

holidays

2008-03-16T04:38:00.000-07:00

i just went back from camping last friday. it was super exciting.firstly, we have the vendors from the 'cheers connection international pte ltd'. it was a 2 days 1 night camp.then, the first day we played some games. after that we make the tallest straw tower. my group, which named 'lustro' means shining in spanish or either france, won. afta that we were supposed to plan fr a game. it was like the amazing race. all of the groups did badly. we were reprimanded by the facilitators. so like what sia. i found every group were doing great le. there were this man called yong something2. i cant remember. but we call him hansem. he can be very nice and pleased. but he can also turn into a scary lion. there were also a few of his gang. i dont really memorised their name. at 12pm, it was lights out. i slept peacefully when at 2pm, there were this farking 'alarm clock'. 'wake up!wake up!',it shouted.it was that hansem. we had a turn out. we have to rush to the parade square within 2 minutes. and the ambassadors somemore cn walk sia. they think their father's time or what?! and bcoz of them, we got to do push up. i cant remember hw many tons of push up we did plus the 2nd turn out. afta the 2nd turn out at ard 5.30am, we went fr PT. we did millions of jumping jack sia. look, nw my leg limping ready. then, we went fr 2 rounds ard the school. WTH! i force myself to run eventhough i had a slight gastric. afta the PT ended at ard 730, we went fr breakfast and took our time fr a bath. afta that we went fr lesson and try out the ex-co version of amazing race. i enjoyed myself but still it is nt the facilitators standed. wah, piang ehk. by then, it was already 630pm. yes! go home ready! hehe. thats all i hv to tell u what i did during the holidays. and i miss my amin so much like hell you know. i want to met him seyy. but nvm. tmrw school re-open ready. hehe. ouh ya, sarah had broke up with satria ready sia. that guy suck seyy. and i just knew frm emi that diyanah and hariz had broke up. sedeh seyy, dh break tk tau nk bilang. fine. hmmphh. tk gune nye sedare ngan kwn.

tears and sorrow .

2008-03-02T03:06:00.000-08:00

this week , sunggoh hot nye boring .
emi broke up wif zul .
nisah cried bcoz of that hafiz .
syakila also cried bcoz of her bf .
they all didnt last frever .
hmm .
sedehkn ?

emi and zul .

emi broke up wif zul coz

she simply doesnt like zul .

she stead wif zul bcoz

she wanted to frget ramdan .

when actually ,

it doesnt werk at all .

kesian bestie aku ni laa .

nisah and hafiz .

hafiz wanted the break up coz

he wanted to focus on his studies .

pathetic excuse .

hmm .

and at the same time ,

his fren , nizam ,

keep asking nisah fr stead .

would he just understand

that nisah loves hafiz only ?!

stupid laa that useless nizam .

so selfish .

would he just feel what nisah had gone thru ?

haiyohs .

syakila and ??

i dont knw who's her bf name .

but she cried lots of time

last friday .

one when ms calmela ask to do

a compo wif the title

'saying goodbye' .

and afte recess ,

at the parade square

she also cried .

haiya .

in life , we've gotta be strong .

and thats what most ppl fail to do .

evryting that happen has a reason , u know .

they dont happen fr the sake of fun .

and toking abt syakila ,

then i realised .

its been 8 yrs since we've been fren .

haha . ((:

bff !

and to nisah ,

happy 6 yrs of frenship . ((:

emi ,

i love you always .

ok till here .

p.s : i love amin even more . ((:

LOVE

2008-02-24T01:12:00.000-08:00

thats my syg .

I LOVE YOU .

well , today i hv nothing to talk .

all i gotta say is that im nw a sc .

i dont know hw i manage to becum one .

coz i tot i did anyhw .

and bcoz of that too i fought wif amin .

u dont hv to knw what happen .

all i gotta say is whatever .

hmm .

well , its been six mths i and amin hv been together .

okok , lets see hw the other couples are doing hah .

THE LOVE BIRDS .

hariz and anna .

i heard this both peeps are hving some misundestanding .

well , i hope things will get betta .

hafiz and hanisah .

they stead on my birthdae le !

haha , very proud tao .

well , hope that this one bestie i hv will be happy

wif her love .

let this be her last and oni one guy that will

love her all the way thru .

all the best !

rynaldy and irah .

they are the sweetest couple of all .

may u guyz last long .

((:

satria and sarah .

ppl say that they are doing just great .

but the fact they didnt .

well , may the truth pops-up one day .

whatever , lets pray that they gonna last long .

loving someone has a consequences aftall .

hilman and reen .

love will just come and go like that .

thats what happen to them .

they didnt last long .

may they find their own true love .

if they were meant to be together , time will show .

in the end , nutting last frever .

haiqel and fina .

200707-020208 .

well , they too didnt last frever .

yes , fina dont deserve all this .

she truly love haiqel .

but nutting cn change the fact ,

the fact that they dont meant fr each other .

and that fate conquers all .

iskandar and anis .

well , this guys story are a little bit secret .

but all i gotta say , in life

there's only one happiness .

to love and to be loved .

thats all i hv .

I MISS HIM LAA !!

2008-02-09T02:29:00.000-08:00

aku rindu amin !!
die pegy melaka .
3 hari !
lame tuh .
but the good news is . .
DIE BALEK NARI ! (((:
haha .
hunney , come home hurry .
imy .
its pathetic that i could only talk to u in my dreams .
i want u to hear u kol me syg .
haiyah .
im so bored tinking of what to do , just to keep myself frm missing him .
but it wont werk .
the last time i met him was wen we went fr cycling last wednesday .
and otw home , i met with an accident .
nt that serious laa .
i was just losing control as the pathetic bicycle dont hv break .
then , to avoid azureen . . i bang the construction tingy ting .
as a result i gt a bruise at my arm and gt a cut at my lip .
blood were oozing badly .
and i did laugh coz i realised how clumsy i was .
and my mum banned me frm riding bicycle until i was fully recovered .
and that was pathetic i tot .
during CNY(chinese new year) in sch , there were some competition held .
and my class won a few prizes like
the lantern making , hamper wrapping and class CNY performance .
congrats 2n2 !
but the farking moment is when the whole class gotta perform on stage .
we look more like an idiot .
but i had no idea hw we won it .
and the more farking moment is when i had to go fr a sc(student counsillor) interview meeting on my birthday.
the day when i promise amin to go and hang out with amin !
haiyah . spoil laa .
i dont wanna become sc ok .
it sounds so like suck cock .
hais .
nvm laa .
do anyhw and i wont get selected .
so , mr lim . . im sori .
i know u really wanted me to become sc so badly .
but im nt a good role model to be followed .
i dont hv any leadership skills .
ok , thats all i guess fr today .
and amin , again imy !

howiie update .

2008-02-06T03:00:00.000-08:00

hellohhs , howiie sini X)
i editted her blog so i wantu update also . hahahah .

firamin firamin firamin firamin firamin !
weee wiiiit ! weee wiiit ! weeee wiitt !!
firamin firamin firamin firamin firamin !
weee wiiiit ! weee wiiit ! weeee wiitt !!
firamin firamin firamin firamin firamin !
weee wiiiit ! weee wiiit ! weeee wiitt !!
firamin firamin firamin firamin firamin !
weee wiiiit ! weee wiiit ! weeee wiitt !!
firamin firamin firamin firamin firamin !
weee wiiiit ! weee wiiit ! weeee wiitt !!
firamin firamin firamin firamin firamin !
weee wiiiit ! weee wiiit ! weeee wiitt !!
firamin firamin firamin firamin firamin !
weee wiiiit ! weee wiiit ! weeee wiitt !!
firamin firamin firamin firamin firamin !
weee wiiiit ! weee wiiit ! weeee wiitt !!
firamin firamin firamin firamin firamin !
weee wiiiit ! weee wiiit ! weeee wiitt !!

hahahahhahahahs .

howiie gylerrrs , i knoww . so ?
hahahaha , yeayys , tak skola ! (:
and btw , happy chinese new year oke -.-
hahahahahah .

ouhhkays firamin last long kkaeeee.

lovess, howiie .

AKU CINTA DIA !

2008-02-02T23:15:00.000-08:00

woohoo !

070108

i would nvr frget that day .

the day when i smiled back .

nt fr once but all the way .

WE PATCH LAA .

yap .

ME AND AMIN .

i was toking on the phone with nisah .

when i heard a 'beep' sound .

i tot it was another call coming in .

but then , it was a msg .

so , i checked .

then when i saw amin named ,

i was staring at my hp screen .

quite long .

and , i read it .

he was asking what was i doing .

and bla3 .

afta we talk fr awhile ,

that was when he said :

"ok . firstly i want to say sori .

nw i realised that we meant to be together .

i want to start a fresh , so what do u say ? "

something like that .

and lyke duh ,

i accepted laa .

coz i still do love him .

its like a dream come true .

it tot that it was just gonna happen in my dreams .

but aftall ,

dreams do happen .

i hope this time ,

we gonna last long .

god , if we were meant to be together .

show us .

surat utk mu

2007-12-22T22:43:00.000-08:00

utk:amin

syg,

surat ini ditulis ikhlas dr hatiku yg terluka ini.ku hrp selepas kau membacanya,kau mengerti hatiku.hatiku yg mendambakn kasih sygmu.aku tk pernah mengerti isi hatimu.tuluskah hatimu mencintaiku?andai kau tulus,mengapa kau tinggalkn kau?

namun,apa yg mampu ku lakukn?semuanya sdh terjadi sebagai sebuah takdir.kini,kau hanya sejarah hitam dlm hidupku.kenanagan yg kita cipta hanyalah sebuah peristiwa.harapanku kini hanyalah sebuah mimpi yg tk akn pernah terjadi.

melupaknmu bererti meninggalkn semuanya.bagaimana nk lakuknnya?ku sendiri tk pernah tahu tetapi yg ku tahu,ku tkkn pernah putus asa.andainya nnt kita ditakdirkn bersatu lg,biarlah masa yg tentukn nya.semuanya sdh tertulis.kisah cinta kita terlalu membosankn sehingga aku pnat mengenangknnya.namun,apa daya.aku tk mampu melupaknmu.jikalau lah kau tahu betapa beratnya beban dan suka duka ini.tp syg sekali.kau tk pernah merasakn penderitaan ku ini.semoga kau hidup bahagia tanpaku di sisi mu.kini,ku binggung ke mana nk ku kirimkn pesanan ini?

yg benar,

fira dan rintihannya.

spin - mengusung rindu

Dalam hati ini ada nama mu

Nama seorang insan yang aku rindu
Dalam diri ini ada sayang mu

Sayangnya diri mu tidak mengerti

Dalam senyum ini ada tangisan

Tangisan seorang insan terluka

Dalam jiwa ini ada pilunya

Pilu yang membuat aku menangis

Oh hibanya...

Sayu hati...sayu sekali

Melihat engkau berpimpin tangan

Dengan si dia

Sakit hati...sakit sekali

Pabila cinta yang aku beri tak dihargai

Sungguh terhina lagi tidak bermaya

Rasa terkilan bunga yang ku puja

Kini mekar harum dijambangan orang

Kau yang ku sayang

Aku yang kecundang

Kalau tahu sakit begini

Tidak aku bermain cinta

Kalau tahu siksa begini

Tidak aku menyanyangi mu

Pilu resah di hati ini

Mengusung rindu

Ku tak berdaya..

my love story

2007-12-22T21:43:00.000-08:00

its going to be the end of yr 2007.

well,many things did happen especially

this was the ferst yr i gt into

secondary school.

so,let me re-cap my love story. (:

last yr in december,i msn with izzuan.

he was my ex-pri school mate.

this yr he is in 2e3.

we chat frm 6+ in the afternoon

all the way to 5.30am!

that time he was attached to my bestie,anna.

as we were chatting i dunno what

gt into me that i felt that i hv fall fr him.

yes.

so izzuan if u're reading this,
let me confess that i hv feelings fr u since
we chatted that time.
izzuan isnt cute,isnt hansem
but he hv a kind hart that most guys doesnt hv.
so guys out there,sori if u all feel offended.
and to u izzuan,dun be
so 'kembang' that i praise u ok.
what's more , u'll nvr expect.
the next day,they broke up!
i dunno why anna did that.
i pity him.
he dont deserved to be hurt.
well,actually..
im hapi!
but i feel guilty laa.
u see,izzuan must be sad bout the break up.
but me?
im feeling hapi..
like so wicked.
so,i decided to frget him.

mths past..
and i dont knw hw i can fall fr my own CSM.
yes.junxing.
he is cute,damn funny but like 'mat rep'.
haha. (:
and i found out that he like iffah frm sec 2.
so,i decided to frget him in the end.
as the days past..
there was this time when i online and evryone offline except fr aminudin.
so,i chat with him.
as we were chatting,we exchange number.

i ask fr his number ferst.
that moment,i really gt no feelings fr him ok.
i ask his number fr the sake of fun.
one day,afta school..
ard 4+ in th eafternoon,

i was farking boring since shafiq,

a fren i knew thru anna lost his hp.

shafiq and i was like besties.

we were close.

almost each day we sms each other.

shafiq admire anna.

so,we always talk abt anna in our msgs.

then,i strolled my contact list

and stop at this name;

amin hp.

without tinking much,i sms him.

and he replied!

i frgot what we talk abt.

but i'll nvr frgot the time

when he confess to me that he admire me.

i was farking shock.

as the days past,

i begin to feel sumthing grow in my hart fr him.

yes,it was love.
but im nt sure so
i dont dare admit anyting to anyone.

one day,i realised i really hv fall fr amin.

so,i decide to tell him the truth.

but nt in a straignt frwerd way laa.

did u noe?

he ask me fr stead!

exactly at 7.14pm,

on the 130707.

but me being the most stupid gerl,

told him to gimme 48hrs before

i give the final decision.

i was confused coz i realised i still hv feelings fr my ex,salihin.

nisah make me realised,

there's no use turning back.

so,i tot of accepting him.

but tings turn the other way round.

it happen wen irah ask nady,amin's fren

if amin really ask me fr stead.

then nady ask amin if what he heard

frm irah was true.

nady didnt noe abt all this.

and nady told that maybe amin gt gf liao.

but i dont believe him.

coz i trust amin.

wen amin noe that rynaldy knew bout it,

he sort of reject me.

he said he's gonna ask me

fr stead again some other day again.

each day,i waited like hell

but nothing happen.

then,i gave up.

a few weeks later,

i found out frm sarah that her fren,

zahidah,recently stead with amin.

i was pissed off fr the whole day.

few days later,

nisah told me that

amin sms her to ask

if she noe whoever who hv feelings fr him.

nisah told,it was me.

then,amin also say that he love me ard 80%.

a few minutes later,

amin sms me to ask whether izit true,

what nisah says,that im willing to stead with

him eventhough if he plays timer..

i didnt expect that nisah

gonna tell amin what ive told her.

but im nt angry at her.

so,i said:

yes.as long as he be fair.

and that was when he told me the truth that

he had gf ready.

and he doesnt wanna play timer.

coz zahidah is a kind gerl.

i told him that i cn wait fr him.

i waited and then i gave up again!

it was on the 170807.

it was 10+ in the nite.

i was already in lalla-land

when nisah called my hse.

she says:"fira,amin sms aku.die tanye

asl kau tk reply msg die."

and i said:"huh?aku ngah tdo ar.

lgpon,pp8 aku low.

kau ckp ar,aku top-up bsk.

nnt aku sms die."

so on the 180807,was when we became couple.

the story goes on.

i still rmbr he lost his hp

one day b4 the fasting mth.

i waited fr him fr a mth to gt a new hp.

i didnt regret waiting

coz i'll regret mre if i dont give myself a chance to know him betta.

i oso rmbr it was the ferst time

we had misunderstanding.

he was damn furious when i sort of

criticise his bugs bunny.

haha.

since we broke up,

i realised that bug bunny

are aftall much more kiuter

than winnie the pooh.

there was one time when

i stop by at 7-11 and

saw a cartoon of bugs bunny

hugging his gf near the glass door.

i was holding my tears by then.

coz i know if

he was the bug bunny,

the gf would nvr be me.

i hope whoever his gf is nw,

he'll be hapi.

maybe i wasnt a nice gf fr him.

amin,if ever i could turn back the time

i wish i've nvr knew u,

nvr met u or fall in love with u.

its nt that i hate u

but frm the beginning

i hv this feeling that im gonna lost u.

and sumting i fear fr,did happen.

maybe it was just my fate..

im caught!

2007-12-20T05:30:00.000-08:00

omg!kiwak sak.im farking embarrass.i just got to know that amin read the whole page of my blog.i tot he was just browsing true.but no!he read evryting.EVRYTING!i wish i've told hym that my blog gt hack.shud i just stop writing abt him?yes.i shud.hey hold on.so what?this is my blog.MINE!fark care ar.so what if he noe that i still love him?aftall,its a fact.why shud i hide my feelings frm him?aftall,i hv the right to love anyone.if he dont love me,its his problem.and if i still love him,its my own problem.ryte?yeah.ok,change topic.today is hari raya haji.when i heard the 'takbir',i feel like crying sia.and,i just found out that i start to love acoustic sings lyke 'tiger lily' by matchbook romance.and 'a lonely september' by plain white t's.but jiwang are betta in the end.haha.i lyke that song by rihanna,'cry'.andand,i tink the best screamo song is by MCR,'i dont love you'.and im farking hapi!my bro gt posted at canberra sec.at last,freedom!but i heard my mum still wanna appeal to adss.wth.then,last monday,171207,i went to ms sum's farewell party with her own class.i felt farking xtra.hanisah and fie laa,force me to go.and i felt so weak when i saw amin wore that same black t-shirt he use when we went to the movies on the 081107.it made me flashback evrything.whatever it was,i gt to be strong.andand,im so pissed off.my mp3 earpiece spoit.luckily gt my phone.

***************************************

today's entry is to hear frm what other's say when we broke up.

nisah:kau tk seharusnya nangis hanya kerana amin!aku phm kau kecewa sbb die mintak break.tp,u hv to rmbr..he DUMP u!do u tink he deserves to be cried on?
my cmmt:dump me?i dun tink so.im hapi wif hym most of the tyme.oni the last end.

fie:alhamdullilah kau dh break ngan die.tk ya tgk kwn aku suffer lg.
my cmmt:huh?ape kau ?!tkya tgk aku suffer lg?break ngan die akn buat aku lg suffer.

reen:jgn sedeh lg ar.
my cmmt:sape tk sedeh siot.senang ar ckp.

emi:frget hym ar.laki gini tk gune.
my cmmt:dont talk much ar.u oso dump ur boifren.

anna:fira.jgn sedeh lg ar.nnt aku knalkn kau ngan satu bdk ni ehk.name die imran.
my cmmt:no thx ar.kalau laki tuh exactly mcm what and who amin is blh jgk.tp kalau tk,kirem salam je laa ehk.lgpon,aku tknk betray emi sbb die ade ckp die suke imran dulu.

rynaldy:move on laa.
my cmmt:move on?hw to move on?if irah leave u,u cn easily move on or nt?argh!useless asking u this.irah wont leave u.

irah:sigh u dont sadsad ok.stay strong.cheer up ok?
my cmmt:hw to cheer up and hw to stay strong?my lyfe wouldnt be the same anymre.

hafiz:camne kau nk lupekn die kalau kau asyik tules die je pt blog?
my cmmt:btol jgk ckp kau tp suke ati aku laa.

**********************************

amin:i want a break up..my decision is final..
my cmmt:ur decision is final?then,hw bout my mine?haiss.i cant force u.nvm laa.may u find ur hapiness.

**************************************
if any of u feel offended wif my cmmt,im sry.i didnt mean anything.

rihanna - cry

I'm not the type to get my heart broken

I'm not the type to get upset and cry

Cause i never leave my heart open

Never hurts me to say goodbye

Relationships don't get deep to me

Never got the whole in love thing

And someone can say they love me truely

But at the time it didn't mean a thing

My mind is gone, i'm spinning round

And deep inside, my tears i'll drown

I'm losing grip, what's happening

I stray from love, this is how I feel

This time was different

Felt like, I was just a victim

And it cut me like a knife

When you walked out of my life

Now i'm, in this condition

And i've, got all the symptoms

Of a girl with a broken heart

But no matter what you'll never see me cry

Did it happen when we first kissed

Cause it's hurting me to let it go

Maybe cause we spent so much time

And I know that it's no more

I shoulda never let you hold me baby

Maybe why i'm sad to see us apart

I didn't give to you on purpose

Gotta figure out how you stole my heart

My mind is gone, i'm spinning round

And deep inside, my tears i'll drown

I'm losing grip, what's happening

I stray from love, this is how I feel

This time was different

Felt like, I was just a victim

And it cut me like a knife

When you walked out of my life

Now i'm, in this condition

And i've, got all the symptoms

Of a girl with a broken heart

But no matter what you'll never see me cry

How did I get here with you, i'll never know

I never meant to let it get so, personal

After all I tried to do, stay away from loving you

I'm broken hearted, I can't let you know

And I won't let it show

You won't see me cry

This time was different

Felt like, I was just a victim

And it cut me like a knife

When you walked out of my life

Now i'm, in this condition

And i've, got all the symptoms

Of a girl with a broken heart

But no matter what you'll never see me cry

This time was different

Felt like, I was just a victim

And it cut me like a knife

When you walked out of my life

Now i'm, in this condition

And i've, got all the symptoms

Of a girl with a broken heart

But no matter what you'll never see me cry

All my life...

one mth single...so boring!

2007-12-15T19:22:00.000-08:00

i still rmbr i broke up with him on the 161107.that was a mth ago.hw cn i frget that day?the day when my hart shattered into pieces.when my hope turn into a dream.when i lost someone i love.well.that was the past nw.i dont wanna think bout it so much.yesterday nyte at ard 11.20pm,he sms.i dont noe what he want.since my pp8 low,i didnt reply.so amin,if you're reading this.im sori if i kept you waiting.why do he sms me fr?i tot he would nvr need me anymre?my mum doesnt want to top-up fr me until skul re-opens.wah piang eh.anyway,back to amin.i cant put hopes too high.coz if i do,and what i hope fr doesnt comes true,its me who's gonna suffer and get dissapointed even more.but i cant denied it that,I MISS AMIN!alot!haiss.i miss those tymes when we were still together.really sia.all this is really killing me.its a pain to fall in love.do you know what is it like to look up into the velvet nyte sky and yet not to see the star?do you know what is it like to see the bird sing their sweet music and not to hear the sound?do you know what is it like to feel your heart inside,and yet not to feel it beat?do you know what is it like when the one you love so deeply is so far away and yet it is quite close?

if im ever lost,will you find me?

if im ever lonely,will you ever give me company?

if i ever get carried away,will you hold me?

if ever my heart calls out to you,will you hear it?

if ever my eyes are filled with tears,will you caress me?

if ever im immersed in sorrows,will you share them,my love?

if ever i am drawn to tears,will you wipe them?

swear that come what may you will never leave me.

my heart beats because of you,my love.

i have resolved.

i promise i will love you,honey.

supposed to be my 4th mthsary

2007-12-15T02:12:00.000-08:00

well.tmrw its been 1 mth i've been single.

it was tough fr me to get use to it.

the next two days was supposed to be my 4th mthsary.

well,they're just history ryte nw.

when i hang out wif my frenz,i laugh lyke a lunatic.

i look as if im ok and contented wif the lyfe i hv nw.

but aftall,im just pretending.

but when im alone,i cant lie myself.

so,i'll cry lyke a retarded.

when evrytyme i cry,i told myself to be strong.

but i just cant.

but the good thing is,i nvr gave up in frgetting hym.

i noe each tyme i tried,i've did my best..

never say i love you

if you really dont care.

never talk about feelings

if they arent there.

never hold my hand

if you are gonna break my heart.

never say you are going to

if you dont plan to start.

never look into my eyes

if all you do is lie.

never say hello

if you really mean goodbye.

if you really mean forever

then say you will try.

never say forever

coz forever makes me cry.

what he want seyy?

2007-12-14T06:01:00.000-08:00

yesterday i went to bottle tree park with emilia.

we went there to share our problems.

she told me abt this guy called daniel martin syah.

nice name huh?

well,to cut a long story short,this guy gt emilia's number frm a bus seat.

and frm there,they gt to noe each other.

the sad thing is daniel,who's a PR here,hv to leave fr canada.

and he's unsure when he's cuming back to s'pore.

so,u see?

they're afraid if that would be the last good bye as daniel's father thinks that s'pore is a boring place.

when emi told her story,i cud see her tears.

and i suddenly laugh out of sudden without noticing my own tears rolled too.

haha.

i cud feel the pain she's feeling.

compared to my story,her's is much more painful.

i realised that im quite lucky as i dont suffer badly as ppl out there do.

u noe wad i mean?

yeah.hope so.

ermm.

and just nw,i online.

amin too.

surprisingly,he start a conversation with me.

and i was lyke,"err.is this really amin?"

u noe,nt lyke my other ex-s,they wont care if i online.

it would always be me who hv to start the conversation.

as in lyke 'sombong'.

and he told me he read my blog!

i was lyke,"wad on earth?"

u see,i put up my url is fr others to read and tag.

WITHOUT expecting hym to read it.

u noe some ppl,lyke me,wont care abt thier ex anymore(afta u cud get over hym/her).

but he's diff.

as in,he has the guts to spend tyme reading all this stuffs which mostly talks abt him.

swit aites?

and this irritating basyar suggest me to ask hym fr patch.

or else he's gonna ask amin hymself.

and i was lyke,"ehk,dont be busybody.its none of ur bussiness."

but he stubborn sia.

fark care laa.

i dont want to do lyke what basyar ask coz i noe he doesnt love me anymre.

so,why should i bother?

furthermore,we're history.

yes,of course.

if i hv the choice to make,i really wanna patch up.

but,i cant force ppl to love me or do something they dont wanna do.

coz they hv the right to choose something fr their life.

if fate let us to be together again,then let the tyme show lorh.

lyfe is unpredictable.

why did u do this to me ?

2007-12-09T01:58:00.000-08:00

arggggggggggghhhhhh!i kenot go on wif my lyfe laa sia.

wtf.amin,why did u leave me?!

why did u ruin my lyfe?

READ MY WERDS!

I LOVE YOU.

gt it?yes.ily and ily.

grrrr!!!!wad's wrong wif me?

why must i still hv this feeling fr sumone who had hurt me?

gosh.sumone,help me!

help me to get rid of hym frm my lyfe!

get out frm my mind laa sey!

oh no.but i still do love u.

AMIN,YOU DRIVE ME CRAZY!

why must evryting end this way?why?!

wad is this,the person i love most is the one who break my hart?

do u noe i love u more than anyting in this werld?

KAU TAU KE TK NI?!arrrggggggghhhhh!!!!

tk gune ckp pt sini.

kalau aku blh pekik pt telinga kau..

biar kau jadi pekak pon,aku tk kesah aslkn kau tau yg dlm hati ni cume ade kau SORG!

and i want the whole werld to noe i love u and JUST U!

amin.pls.gimme another chance.

i still love u.i beg u!im sick of tears.

help me.just one tyme.

i noe we cn start all over again.

tings doesnt hv to end this way.

pls dun leave me alone here.

pls.miracle,pls do happen.

i love hym lyke no one else do..

help me.

hatiku yg terluka :(

2007-12-07T05:51:00.000-08:00

amin,
mengapa kau seksa hatiku begini?kau pernah mengatakan bahawa kau akn selalu menyintaiku namun ia hanya kata-kata kini.kata-kata yg dusta.apakah kesalahanku hingga begini akhirnya?dptkah kau melihat dan merasakn penderitaan ku ini?hati ini ibarat ditusuk duri sembilu.sia-sia saja pengorbanan dan kesetiaanku selama ini kerana akhirnya kau tk menghargai.mengapa ini semua harus terjadi?aku tk sanggop melepaskn mu.namun,kerana kebahagiaan mu,aku merelakannya.walaupun pahit,aku telan.dalam senyumku,ada tangisan.dalam jiwa ini,ada pilunya.sunguh hiba diriku.andai dpt kau mengerti kesakitan di jiwa ini,apabila cinta yg ku beri tk dihargai dan sekiranya kau dpt merasakn betapa sayu nya hati ini apabila ditinggalkn begitu saja.terasa hina diri ini bila kau mampu tersenyum dan aku terus menangis,meratapi takdir yg tersurat.kalau aku tahu sakit begini,tidak aku bermain cinta.kalau aku tahu seksa begini,tidak aku menyayangimu.andai ku dpt putarkn masa,aku tidak mahu bertemu dan bercinta dgn kau.bkn kerana aku membenci dirimu tapi ku dpt merasakn dari mula lagi bahawa aku akn kehilangan mu.dan kini ia benar-benar terjadi.cinta dtg tanpa diundang dan pergi tanpa di halau.aku tk menyalahkn kau mahupun takdir.kerana aku tahu ini semua pinta-Nya.tetapi aku terkilan.mengapa begitu cepat hatimu berubah?kemana perginya cinta itu yg pernah hadir dlm sudut hatimu utk diriku?benar kata org.hidup ini umpama pergantian antara hujan dan panas.giliran antara senyum dan ratap.sebagai hamba-Nya,aku redha kerana ku tahu apa yg Dia beri adalah yg terbaik.syg,berbahagialah engkau dgn si dia yg kau cinta.semoga kau temui pasangan hidupmu.aku akn sentiasa mendoakn utk kebahagiaanmu.kedukaan ini,usahlah kau peduli.lambat-laun,ia akn terubat jua.

so many werds for the broken hart

2007-11-21T21:50:00.000-08:00

nutting in diz werld last.
including my relationship wif amin.
yap,we broke up on the 161107.
evryone tot we cud last forever
but it was proven wrong.
it ended diz sorrowful way.
yeah,evry start has an end.
he didnt told me y he wanna broke up.
he just said he's decision was final.
i was speechless dat moment.
all i did was to cry,cry and cry.
i wish i was sleeping.
so wen i woke up,
it was just a nitemare.
but so sad, i was in a werld called reality.
in reality,nutting cn b changed.
a fact will remain as a fact.
eventhongh we cant accept the fact,
we gt no choice.
and of course,i cried.
i cried coz i remembered of d past.
a painful history.
those tymes,
wen we sms each other,
wen we went out together
and all my sacrifices dat was nt appreciated.
and he didnt even said sori.
afta all,is diz wad i get back?
fine den.
i'll juz hv to take it and be patient.
its so sad wen
u meet sumone hu means alot to u,
oni to find out in d end
dat it was nvr meant to be
and u juz hv to let it go.
wad he did was d same lyke
stabbing a knife rite thru my hart.
it was on d 171107.
i juz woke up frm my sleep,
and i started to remember of hym.
den,i started crying again.
oh tears,y cant u juz hold back urself?
in d afternoon,
i went to wdls mart mcd.
nisah,anis,emi,anna & reen
were there too.
and i noe they sms amin.
but i didnt realised coz i was
crying once more.
they gave me sum advice and support.
den did i realised he's nt worth my tears.
it was on d 181107 wen my kuzzin gt married.
and it suppose to be my 3rd mthsary.
i guess dat dae has been meaningless fr hym ready.
till nw,i still cant believe it.
i cant believe he left me.
but,my hart will go on loving hym
till sumone cud replace hym.
amin..if oni u noe hw much i've suffered enuf,
wud u still do diz to me?
if i cud show all my love fr u & hw much u meant alot to me,
wud u still leave me?
well,evryting is too late.
nutting gonna change.
nutting gonna b ryte again.
i will always pray fr ur hapinez.
may u find ur true love.
dun hurt any other gerlz anymore.
bfore its too late fr regrets.
let me be d last gerl hu cried fr wad u've done.
they hv feelings too.
they hv d ryte to feel hapinez.
till here.
tankiew fr evryting.
tankiew so much fr breaking diz piece of hart.

RIP,firamin:180807-161107

petikan dr lagu arrow - haruskah kita berpisah

ku inginkan cinta yg berkekalan

kau dambakan perpisahan

menangis hatiku menangis

mendgrkn khabar hiba

terhiris jiwa ku terhiris

mengalir airmata

syg,mengapa buat begini

di saat rindu merah menyala

kasih,ku sangkakan kau setia

rupanya kau bersandiwara

haruskah kita berpisah

angkara org ketiga

jgnlah kau pergi

dari ku,kasih

kerana kau masih ku cinta

sepinya aku saat ini

diri tersisih jauh

kau tetap dgn keegoan mu

utk meninggalkan aku

haruskah kita berpisah

my love for hym

2007-11-14T18:19:00.000-08:00

banyak btol prob.

haiss.

pening kpale siot.

tk pe laa.

tau laa aku solve sendiri.

die tk phm aku.

no one cn understand.

oni God noes best.

and i will just continue loving hym..

and defend my relationship.

eventhough..

hmm..

adelah.

till here.

boring laa sey

2007-11-09T01:21:00.000-08:00

well.today nutting to do.

other den lepak2 at wdls mart

mcdonald's wif azureen.

oh ya.

i wanna tell sumting bout yesterdae.

((=

i went to d movies wif amin,syakila

and 2 other amin's frenz.

we went to watch 'gameplan'.

well,it was our ferst dae of date.

ermm..we was lyke nt toking.

i gt no idea wad to talk abt.

so,i just kept quiet.

i sat between hym and syakila.

and thruout d movies,

we kept quiet.

haiss..

sad aites?.

well,nvm.

it was d ferst tyme mah.

i wore black lyke emo.

it was nice.

huahuahua.

he was kiut lyke per normal.

haha.

afta dat,we went home.

nt really actually.

i accompanied syakila to sunplaza

to take her contact lens.

afta dat,i lepak2 at hanisah hse.

and..dat nite

i fought wif hym.

we had diz misunderstanding.

well,i hope tings wud b betta.

tiring wednesdae.

2007-11-07T02:12:00.000-08:00

i had so much tings to do.

i had to meet syakila

bcoz i've promise to accompany her

to cwp or else i've gt to pay her 1o bucks.

wth?!

i had plenty of tyme as

i gt to meet her at 4:30pm.

so,i tot of going to hanisah hse.

as i was on my wae,efa sms me

to tell dat hanisah fainted!

and i was lyke huh?!

d bus was late .

in my hart i was saying:

"i'll curse diz farking bus if

anyting happen to hanisah."

wen i reach her hse

it was just a trick.

kanasai!

i felt so stewpid for believing dem.

i felt lyke pulling their head.

as i was eating my lunch

my mum kol and sae

my aunt wanted to meet me at

cwp bcoz she wanted to buy

fr me earrings and necklace.

so nice of her!

afta shopping my aunt treat me lunch AGAIN!

and i was lyke,im soooo full.

ok.but nvm.

just gotta force myself eat.

omgayness.

im gonna b fat!

it was 4:25,and i was lyke..ok,im late.

i sms syakila.

guess wad?!

it wasnt me who's late.

it was her!

gundu!

we go to cwp mc and bought a drink.

im nw at hse to update diz blog tingy ting.

well,dat's all for todae. (=

helo

2007-10-31T23:26:00.000-07:00

heylow .
syakila here .
helping fira on updating her blog .
and yeahh .
sh went rayering wt th 1n2 malays .
hahas.
was great .
and we enjoy it aloots .

and it was on a thurdays .
25/1o/2oo7

beautifullest memories.

24102007!(;

2007-10-24T01:31:00.000-07:00

THIS BLOG WAS CREATED BY SYAKILAA!

WEEES!

HAHAHAS.

ON THE 24 OF OCTORBER 2OO7 ;4.32PM !

KWANGKWANGKWANGKWANG! :D

ENJOYS LAARHS .

HAAHHAAS.

LOTS OF LOVES ;DEADstar'

http://deadstar-mysecrets.blogspot.com/

link me up okaee!?!!