goodby, mr. s.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

today was quite ok . yesterday , i followed rusydiah to marina bay and watch fireworks again . this time , its a different kind . and at the same time , i lost my ex-link card . i just top it up . but i dont give a damn . my mum dont really scold me . its just my granny , she keeps telling everyone and im so pissed off . i'll show her that i'l use my own money to make the new one . -.-
tomorrow family mcd plan to watch movie but i didnt go as i will be fasting . since family mcd exist i could see that im much closer to danish and rafiq . i could feel the bond . jiwer mcd fam kate kan ! haha .

p.s: dont you know how hurt this is ?

at 4:24 AM

Monday, August 18, 2008

1 year ago , we built the love together . you want me to be yours . but now , look who left who ? i'll be the happiest girl on earth to celebrate our 1st anniversary but now they're just left with memories .

i was there waiting for you . and i never felt tired of waiting . i cried day and night . i dont know what to do bcos i cant never do anything when the one who can make me stop crying is the one who made me cry . and i never give up asking for your forgiveness cos i love you and when i love you ; i dont give up . i wake up at night praying and hoping that you're ok , knowing that i cant be with you to keep you safe . i hide my tears when i say your name but the pain in my heart is still the same . and when we broke up , i didnt talk you . its not that im mad at you , its just that when i talk to you , i realise how much i love you and when i realise how i love you , i realise i cant have you and that makes me love you even more . and of course i miss you . i miss the way you smiled , i miss the way you laughed , i miss the way that you always cared . but most , i miss the way you loved me . i just wished that one day you will miss me so terribly that no matter how hard you look for me , you wont find me . why ? because , i want you to miss me the way that i missed you .

memang aku tak pernah cintakan satria tapi dialah yang bahagiakan aku . seharusnya , satria lebih berhak memiliki cinta aku . tapi mengapa nama kau yang bertakhta dalam hatiku sedangkan kau dah lama lupekan aku . dan aku dah tak mengaharapkan kau lagi .

memang tikaman mata kau menghantar satu getaran di jiwa tapi ia tak sama seperti dulu . mungkin cinta aku pada kau telah pun pudar semakin hari . dan cintaku semakin mekar buat satria . tapi aku masih tidak pasti . jadi , pergilah kau dari hidupku setelah puas kau lukai hati ini .

at 3:40 AM

Saturday, August 16, 2008

achoooo ! ok , im having flu and its sooo irritating . today , i just stayed home . thought of tagging along with mcd fam to cwp . but i was lazy and not feeling well . so , sit one corner with my book . tomorrow got 'kenduri' and thats so cool . i cant wait to meet anis and hafiz , then we can laugh and laugh .

yesterday i had cca . nisa , reen and hid didnt come . i thought of skipping cca too as i was not feeling well but since during music lesson , i had asked miss lim if i can be excused for that day's training , she told me to attend and later i can report sick . after cca , satria come and fetch me . we went woodlands mart mcd and he was there . after that , sat send me home .

at 5:12 AM

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Nothing much happen. Maths & science paper was quite easy. Today is irah & nady's 1st anniversary. and imagine, 4 more days shd be my 1st anniversary with amin. nah, memories. oh, tmr is my 6 months with dearest baboon. hmm., how bout of bananas for her aye? haha. anyways, i have resolved tht i will try to love satria & forget abt amin. i have to move on. its been 2 months since he left. why must i love someone who dosent love me the way i love him? He's happy with aida. & i'll pray for his happiness although im hurt deep down.. Hurt not because he toyed with my feelings or because aida is much prettier but because aida deserve his love more than i do. Satria has been nice to me & has nvr take advantage of me. he has changed, thats wht most people tell me. he's not th same satria ppl use to tell me. its not wrong to give him a chance eventhough he has hurt many of my friend's heart.

Satria, make me fall for you.

Amin, memangku rindu saat bersamamu.
Tapi ku tahu, semua itu tak akn kembali lagi.

at 4:46 AM

Monday, August 11, 2008

tonight, we will held a surprise bday party for kak adnin at my uncle house . today , was quite boring . just accompany my brother to my cousin house. so , here i am updating my blog . let's flash back what happen the past 3 days during national day .

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we celebrate national day at school . i wore red t-shirt with collar . i also did bring my white three-quater pants and sc shirt . tutik told us that we have to change red and white for the community singing and sc shirt or the games session . i had so much fun singing along with my friends . after that , all the sec 2 sc assembly outside HOD . jun kang brief us on the games session . i and efa was in charge of the chineses chess . it was so boring to look at them playing and doing nothing . efa walk here walk there , then ask me to take care . so unfair . after the games session , we assemble at the hall . miss huang gave me the national day gift . its kinda colourful magnetic bookmark . but last year was better , kinda highlighter pen . after dismissed , nisa and fie went my house to change as we planned to go sembawang . a carnival was held near the big field infront of my primary school . reen didnt tag along as she went to her primary school's jumble sale . then efa and tutik came along . we reached there and i met ms roslindah , her hair has grown long , suprisingly . haha . then there was mr saidali , mdm suria , ms irdawati and alot more . i miss my primary school alot , especially the mee soto form stall 3 . i met amirah and anna at canberra park . we exchanged number before leaving . then nisa , efa , me , tutik and fie lepak . we took many photos there . it was a tiring day .

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so , singapore has turned 43 . i and danish planned to go marina bay and watch the fireworks . so , i called nisa , reen and fidya but only nisa could make it . she brought along efa and i brought along emilia with me . i and emi met nisa and efa at wdls mart mcd . it was raining so we waited for awhile bfore we left mcd . we waited for danish at boots and shoes . he came with suzi and sabrina(danish's sister) . we took the train and stop at city hall . emi left us and went with her friends . we met khairul and aziz near fullerton hotel . it was packed with people . then we went esplanade and slack there . just then nisa realised her wallet was with emi . so we asked emi to meet us at esplanade entrance . while we waited , i saw nizam , ahmad , indra and some other senior . when everyone felt hungry we went to the nearest mall and had at mcd . after eating , we went to padang and waited for the fireworks . after that nisa and efa went home . suzi , khairul and aziz went somewhere . danish , i and sabrina went marina square to meet danish's big sister before we went home . i reached home at 11 .

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i was reading the newspaper when kak adnin called.
"hello , fira . nak ikot gi wild wild wet tak ?"
i asked my mum and she allowed . so , i changed . it was my second time going there . the first time i went , the 'ular-lah' was on upgrade . so , this is the time i want to feel how it was like . and it was cool . at 8.30pm , i reached home .

at 1:02 AM

Saturday, August 2, 2008

ok , well today is my 2nd mthsary with satria . how fast time flies , yeah ? to be honest , im scared to love sat cos i dont want to get hurt again . im scared if one day , im able to forget amin and tend to fall for him but in the end he left me . ya , nothing last forever but im sick of tears . ermm , its hard to explain cos only my heart knows how it really feel . all i can say is , i still love amin and at the same time i begin to like satria . and i want to let this feelings for this 2 guys stay like this . when the time comes , it will cure the wound that amin serve to me . and the feeling of love for satria will not be more neither would it be less .

last night , i talk to him on the phone from 1opm to 12am . we talk about our pastime . and telling satria my story with amin , remembering the memories from the start to the end is the most painful . and when its 12am , he wish me 2mthsary and he said he love me . sweet right ? but too bad , i didnt melted . bcos deep down my heart , i just wish it was HIM who said that to me . but well , its ok . im happy with satria at least .

amin , if only you know how hurt this could be . fyi , i accepted satria because of YOU ! i thought of accepting him so that i can forget you . eventhough i know he have hurt a lot of my friend's heart . now , i dont have the heart to ask him for a break up bcos he has been kind to me . and its like , the stories people told me wasnt true . i think he's really gonna change . but at the same time , im yearing for your return . in my heart , there's only you . but why did you do this to me ? im so disappointed with you . i gave everything that you wanted . i would even give you the earth right in your palm if you want to . but you hurt me AGAIN . just becos of a petty little issue . i know your heart still beats for me . i miss you and this suffering will end if i know you miss me too . aku tau aku shiok sendiri , SO WHAT ?! i dont care . i didnt ask for all this to happened . argh ! i just want to move on and being like this isnt gonna work out . amin , you're my history . so please go away .

pergilah , sayang .

jangan kembali lagi .

satria , im sorry i cant love you . i dont want and im scared to fall in love anymore . i dont believe in love since 280508 , since firamin has gone . but i appreciate being with you . you made me laugh , made me happy . i know i told you that this feeling of like can turn into love , but i lied to you . im not sure if i can love you . actually i just dont want , dont want to bet around with my own feelings . i dont want to hurt you . i know how it feels when you love someone but to find out that someone only likes you . im sorry . but still i want this relationship to last . let people know that i didnt choose the wrong person to replace amin . and prove to people that they were wrong about you .

sayang , ku masih mencintaimu .

katakan lah kau jua mencintaiku .

sayang , ku merinduimu .

seksa rindu ini akan menjadi indah

andai ku tahu kau juga mencintaiku .

kasih , ku mengharapkan semuanya dari mu .

at 11:45 PM

today my family left house at abt 1130 and went shopping at toa payoh.
i heard NCC went to fort canning. maybe HE's there.

Satria went to the samba dance thingy.
tommorrow is our 2 mnthsary.
Ya. its still too early.
well, nvmm.
we'll try to make things better.
We've never quarrel for the past two months.
but we had small little fights though.
haha.
Ms Calmela will be leaving the school on 28th August.
Which also marks the 3rd month firamin's over.
i gave ms calmela my journal.
i wrote about him again.
last month, when i told her that i broke up with him,

she told me that no one is worth crying over and the one who is will not make you cry.
she's right.
but my heart is still stubborn.
and later, Ms Huang will become our FT.
i don't like cos she like not sporting and kpo seyy.
hmm.

p/s: i'm trying to escape the misery. oh, why dont you love me, the way i loved you ?

alrightt.. done.

at 6:21 AM